Missoula News

Bob Wire Has a Point (It's Under His Cowboy Hat)

Craigslist: The Year ‘Round Digital Yard Sale

By Bob Wire, 2-08-11

Good news! You don't have to wait 'til spring to start buying other people's useless crap!

I like to consider myself a bargain hunter; to others, I’m just a cheap bastard. In the summer I’m a yard sale junkie. The rest of the year I haunt the area thrift shops, and the “To Give Away” section of the classifieds is frequently the first thing I read in the newspaper. So to be able to shop for used, unwanted, heavily discounted or slightly busted junk from the comfort of my second-hand computer chair is completely irresistible.

Of course I’m talking about craigslist, and I’m hopelessly addicted. Half the categories listed in the Missoula craigslist main page on my computer are highlight colored, as I click several categories daily, just to see what’s out there. Even if I’m not looking for anything specific, I wander through craigslist like it’s the local Goodwill, just looking for bargains or things I wasn’t aware I couldn’t live without.

I basically stick to the “for sale” section, because the rest of craigslist is like the asylum in “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” after the lights are out, but without the charm. There are some angry, unhinged, violence-obsessed miscreants on craigslist who seem to do nothing but sit in their moldy basements and spew invective-laced hatred for hours on end to a world they’ll never understand. And that’s just in the “Musicians Available” category.

Bargains can be found, but you really have to be patient and discerning. The more coherent and well written the ad, the more likely it is that the item for sale will be well taken care of. Conversely, like the vast majority of sites on the Web, craigslist is loaded with posts from people who couldn’t spell CAT of you spotted them the C-A. I’ll admit that sometimes I respond to the worst offenders, and attempt to buy their wares with Monopoly money.

I occasionally click over to eBay when I’m really serious about acquiring something, but the hassle of shipping and lack of immediate gratification make it less attractive than the possibility of finding a local gem on craigslist. If eBay is safe sex using a spermicidal lubricant and a double-walled condom, then craigslist is riding bareback with a pansexual Haitian hooker in a bedbug motel. There’s no protection against fraud and misrepresentation, scams are rampant on the site, and there’s no recourse if you do get screwed. But, unlike eBay, your craigslist transaction is a face-to-face exchange. (Unless you agree to have something shipped on pure faith, then all I can say is, have fun at the free clinic.) You have to first make contact with the buyer/seller via email or phone, then set up a meeting. I won’t buy a guitar without playing it first, for example, so this is essential.

I’ve transacted dozens of craigslist deals, and with maybe one or two exceptions, they’ve all been successful. I’ve met sellers and buyers in coffee shops, grocery stores, parking lots, bars, the University Center, and in my home or theirs. I usually pick someplace public in case the listing is actually a setup leading to an assassination attempt, and my caution has been rewarded because, so far, I’m still alive. I’ve bought guitars, sandals, computers, snowboards, a bike, bags of sand, iPods, DVDs, guitar cords, an Xbox, cameras, fence planks, guitar amps, a computer monitor, and several other pieces of man gear over the last few years. With one or two exceptions, I’ve so far escaped being screwed, ripped off or assassinated.

Craigslist is entertaining and frequently useful, but of course it has its shortcomings as well. One of the worst things is the number of scammers and spammers clogging the site. In order to contact a seller, usually you send an anonymous email. Unfortunately, scammers have co-opted this feature and send out fake queries to most listings. They won’t ask specifically if you still have that velvet painting of Elvis, JFK and Dale Earnhardt Sr. fighting over a Siamese cat, though. They keep it generic: “I’m wondering if you still have the item for sale. Please reply so I can set up a direct pipeline to your network and start pumping your computer full of crippling viruses and death worms.”

You have to be careful to avoid these cretins, the same way you steer clear of the paint-huffing hobos in the busted radio aisle at the Salvation Army. Another problem with craigslist is the spotty communication. At least at the Salvation Army if you want to find out if there are more busted radios in the back, you can find an employee to check it out. On craigslist, you might respond to an ad listing a Radio Flyer sled, and never hear back from the seller. You could send him an email saying you’ll deliver twice the asking price, in cash, and shovel his driveway to boot, and you still won’t hear a peep. Either he’s already sold the sled, lost interest in selling it, or possibly donated it to the Salvation Army. Apparently these people can’t be bothered with hitting the reply button on your email and writing “It’s gone.” EBay has a feedback rating that people tend to guard like an important bodily organ, but craigslist provides no such motivation to keep your nose clean.

That lack of policing also makes is easier for you to get ripped off, so you really have to be a good judge of character and rely on your instincts when you agree to buy something fraught with potential problems, like a computer or iPod, or a bag of over-the-counter pot. My daughter, Speaker, wanted to spend some Christmas money on an iPod this year, and asked me if I could find her one on craigslist. Before I could answer, her mother interceded and told her it was a bad idea to buy used electronics. “But daddy buys electronics on craigslist,” she said.

“Your daddy’s an idiot,” said Mrs. Wire. Hmph. So I got screwed on that digital recorder. But that was only one thing! That one time! Okay, there was that electric guitar that turned out to have screwed up wiring and a bad switch. But my guitar tech needed the work! What about that great bike I got for Speaker last summer for only $15? Sure, it needed $110 worth of work before she could ride it, but really, that’s beside the point. Do you remember her smile when I brought it home from the shop?

So do not fear the ‘list. Use common sense, trust your instinct, and don’t take any chances. There are plenty of sweet bargains out there if you’re willing to do your homework and be smart about dealing with strangers and cash. My advice is to play it safe. Hell, it couldn’t hurt to wear a condom anyway. Like I am right now.

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