Idaho Woman Can’t Watch Olympic Curling

Blog Winter Olympics 2010

By Jill Kuraitis, 2-22-10

Okay, people. I’m going to say what a lot of you want to say: curling is funny. And it’s even funnier when it’s in the Olympics.

Unfortunately for anyone sitting near me during a “match,” curling, like sumo wrestling, cracks me up. The attack that gets me in its grip is guaranteed to ruin any meaningful Olympic experience, unless you enjoy being near a gasping, howling woman with tears streaming down her face.

It might be mean to laugh at curling – at least at the U.S. team, but who gives a rip.

I just can’t take it, man.

Whoever let curling into the Olympics must have been seriously hammered at the time. It probably happened after that one IOC meeting held in a sleazy Latvian bar, you know, the time that awesome accordion polka player led the singing of “Who Stole the Kishka?” and everybody made drunken bets on the dumbest thing they could get into the Games.

Let’s examine this goony sport. What in the HELL are those people doing? Sweeping the ice to subtly influence the way a granite blob travels across lines – what kind of weenies spend their time learning how to do that?

And how come they are so clueless about how funny it is to watch their faces all squinched up with serious intensity? It’s like watching little girls in ballet recitals.

Here’s another question: can we call them “athletes”? There’s a rumor that curling takes a strong core and shoulders. Okay, I can go with that. But still.

I fail to see how the pushing of 16 rocks toward a center point – even if the whole process is funnier than a Bill Murray movie - advances the cause of international sport, brotherhood, and fair play. Does the Olympic motto, “Swifter, Higher, Stronger” apply here?

Come ON.

Yeah, yeah – it’s wildly popular in Canada blah blah blah; millions of people love it blah dee blah; who am I to look down my nose after all I’m just clueless yadda yadda.

I’m just so flippin’ sorry, but there are some things that are inherently funny – like sumo wrestling. Bring it on, you defenders-of-sumo people; scold me and get all defensive and lecture me. Go ahead. I can’t take it seriously, because you love watching huge fat sweaty guys in diapers go SMUSH at each other.

Dogs biting sprinklers. Sumo. Pants falling down. Curling. You see?

I’m going to watch hockey. Now there’s a game.

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By Jill Kuraitis, 2-22-10 | comments (16) | email story | print story

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By clarence worly, 2-22-10

As fate would have it, I wrestled sumo in high school based on the advice of an old "girl" friend. She thought my man boobs would be better suited belly butting other chesty over-weight boys than freezing them off on the ice as the 2nd string sweeper for the Clark County Curling team.
As disappointed as my curling coach was, she understood.

Thanks for the trip down memory lane Jill...thanks a lot.

By Monique, 2-23-10

I couldn't agree more. Curling is funny, ridiculous and cracks me up with just one glance. If it comes on at the gym while I'm trying to run (which some may say is also ridiculous, running inside), I have to look away for fear of falling off the treadmill with tears of laughter in my eyes. Thanks for helping me see I'm not the only one trying to hide my laughter!

By Mickey Garcia, 2-23-10

Well at least its one notch above couch potato. Another good excuse to get oot and aboot during the long Canadian winters without busting your ass. Maybe pool ought to be an Olympic sport.

By patbob, 2-23-10

Okay, I've just scratched Jill and Monique off of my dream dates list. Until this Olympic year, I'd never really watched curling. But network coverage of skiing and skating and the ten thousand permutations thereof (Super, Grand, Long, short, dancing, Combined, pairs, skicross.....) had me gacking for a new olympic sport. CNBC saved my winter olympics with their expert coverage of curling! Yes, bring on those midwestern girls yelling "hard, hard" and the unintelligible chatter of the scandanavian broads. To be unsexist, those dudes can really toss a rock, too. Yes, I too belly-laughed like a rookie at the intense, whispered commentary of the retired curlers and giggled at the sight of hardcore fans in costume hoisting cold beers. This is my kind of sport. Ice is made for sports like hockey and curling, eh? Let's put the real winter athletes on prime time and relegate the ice dancers in thier silly, silly costumes back to late, late night, where they belong!

By Dave Schultz, 2-23-10

Yah, you got it there, eh? I couldn't agree more. I grew up in Wisconsin and even being born into the culture, could never see any sense to it. Maybe it keeps some of the lonely Norwegians oot of da bars in wintertime, but the Olympics? Puhlease.
Great article, Jill - thanks - keep up the great writing.

By Dave Schultz, 2-23-10

ice fishing....now there's an Olympic sport.

By Colin, 2-23-10

Aw... really? So your idea of a sport is Ice Dancing? Freestyle skiing, perhaps? How about Synchronized Swimming?

Style points belong in Republican Vice Presidential nominations, not the Olympics. I'll take this as a real sport anyday... and hey, if Canadians can play both hockey - the fastest game on earth - and curling, and hoist a beer watching both... I'm in.

I'll save my laughter for the politicians of Idaho...

By Dave Skinner, 2-23-10

Curling is fricking HARD, Jill. Like golf is HARD, too. I bet you try to throw some stones, you'd understand why your commentary is inappropriate.

By Ollie, 2-23-10

Ingorance is bliss, eh Jill.

By Jill Kuraitis, 2-23-10

Dave, for crying out loud LIGHTEN UP. Sheesh.

By Mickey Garcia, 2-23-10

Different strokes for different folks. Something for everyone.

By Jeff, 2-23-10

Just to be sure I've got it... You blog viciously about the beloved sports of two nations with all the savvy of a print-dress wearing Midwestern ugly American farmwife and are shocked that it elicits a mildly strong rebuke from an adherent of the sport?

You did invite them to "bring it on" and other assorted "blah, blah, blah" did you not? You did describe the culture of a nation you have no understanding of as "huge fat sweaty guys in diapers"... Wait, or is that football?

Seems to me being told you're inappropriate is a fairly light admonishment already.

Incidentally, a quick google search tells me there's a curling club here in Boise and that the rules of the sport demand handshakes, gentlemanly behavior and sportsmanlike consideration. Perhaps we should drop down and see if those qualities are what an Idaho blogger might deem as advancing the cause of international sport, brotherhood, and fair play.

By Mark Pinto, 2-24-10

Jill, I have to agree, it should not be an Olympic sport. If they allow curling, then they need to open the door for billiards and darts as well. I'm not saying its easy to do. I'm sure it takes years of refined training, but not Olympics, please. On the other hand, I'm 54 and as long as curling is an Olympic sport, my own lifelong Olympic hopes are alive, even if I'm 54...

By John, 2-25-10

Great Column, Jill. I totally agree. Every time i see curling on the tube just cracks me up. It just looks silly. An Olympic Sport? Hard to believe. Enjoyed your column and glad you said it.

By Laughing, 2-26-10

I saw curling for the first time at the gym during the Olympics. I couldn't stop howling. It is the funniest thing. However, I do think curling should be part of the Olympics. The Olympics is way to pretentious and self important. It needs something silly and funny to balance thing out, and I've seen very few things as silly and funny as curling.

By Curly, 10-26-10

Curling is the second largest sport in Canada, to ice hockey. It is huge in Great Britain and throughout Europe. And it is catching on in the Orient.

I don't find anything amusing about the sport. I'd love to try it myself. The control and accuracy that the top players achieve is quite amazing.

What I like most about curling is that it is a very defensive game. At the top level it is difficult to score more than one point per end however a single mistake can become a disaster.

I will refrain from making any derogatory remarks about the attitude displayed here beyond suggesting that it is, sadly, rather "provincial".

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