The Worst Reason To Party, Ever
Talk Like A Pirate Day Is Not Cool
By Joseph Friedrichs, 9-19-07
As if getting excited about a jolly fat man who slides down the chimney, or smiling with the kids in the backyard to find where a fantasy rabbit hid some hard-boiled eggs weren’t hard enough, today is International Talk Like A Pirate Day. And as a standard act of defiance, I refuse to participate in this foolish celebration.
“You going to be drinking rum tonight?” I heard someone ask in a coffee shop this morning. “Cause I be.”
The duo then began to chuckle like deranged animals. I felt sick.
“Arrrrr,” I heard one of them say a moment later. That’s when I folded up my laptop and split.
This whole Talk Like A Pirate Day madness started back in the 1990s as a joke between two - and I’m sad to admit - Oregonians. To make a lame story short, these two guys were playing racquetball and started speaking like pirates. They enjoyed themselves so much they decided to make it an annual experience, a festival of sorts. That was back in 1995 and for seven years the day was celebrated by only a handful of people. It was during the 1992 gathering that famed humor columnist Dave Berry showed up to participate. An ensuing column helped spread word of this useless, mindless jamboree.
Throughout the world, including soldiers in Iraq, bars in Venice and college campuses from Maine to Oregon, International Talk Like A Pirate Day will give humans yet another chance to act like fools. And although I have no problem breaking the norm and even getting wild from time to time, I want it to have nothing to do with programmed celebration. Particularly when it comes to pirates.
There is no Santa. The Easter Bunny is not real. And celebrating pirates is for suckers.
Damn you Dave Berry.
Like this story? Get more! Sign up for our free newsletters.
Comments
Add your comment below
or the Easter Bunny either.
Everyone else, party on and dance like nobody is watching.
How will you follow up your avoidance of Talk Like A Pirate Day? By throwing rocks at kids who skateboard past your house?
P.S. Ninjas can go walk the plank.
P.S. I may be getting older, but I refuse to grow up.
When my kids were little, they liked this better than Talk Like a Pirate Day, which requires far too much effort. Plus, I wouldn't let them have rum.
I didn't go out to celebrate "Talk Like a Pirate Day," but enjoyed the efforts of my son and grandson. Yarrr! at least it hasn't been commercialized - yet.
As far as wanting to be a pirate, just remember that according to contemporary records, most pirates were considered to be sodomites. All those long months at sea, you know.