News

New West Book Review

Memoir of a Climbing Widow: Jennifer Lowe-Anker’s “Forget Me Not”

By Elizabeth Brinsfield, Guest Writer, 7-04-09

Forget Me Not
by Jennifer Lowe-Anker
Mountaineers Books, 256 pages, $24.95

In Forget Me Not, Jennifer Lowe-Anker chronicles life with her first husband Alex Lowe, who was thought by many to be the world’s best mountain climber before he was lost in an avalanche in the Tibetan Himalayas in 1999. Her memoir, comprehensive and faithful, does his life of achievement great justice, and is surprisingly upbeat even as she attempts to answer some of the darker questions associated with his vocation. As she examines Alex’s childhood as well as their courtship—when his profession as a mountain climber first took shape—she wonders how Alex became such an intense leader and climber, risking his life again and again, and, in his case, even with a family waiting at home.

At the beginning of the book, Lowe-Anker writes of Alex’s heart, that it was “frequently and most definitely in conflict with itself.” And at the end of the book, Lowe-Anker states that the writing of this memoir has been cathartic. Though her main aim is to memorialize the grandness of Alex’s success and scope, she also ends up describing the troubling fact that she was often left alone to raise three boys. She grapples with why she was attracted to such a life in the first place, and then why she was so understanding—so much so that Alex himself dubbed her “Saint Jennifer.”

Early on, before they have their children, Lowe-Anker comprehends that climbing brings Alex an “inner calm that he was unable to find elsewhere in life.” She also explores paternal pressures during Alex’s childhood, his fear of being mediocre and constant drive to push himself beyond what most would do. She touches on the addictive nature of the business as well as Alex’s later assertion that he did it for his family.

“We’re not looking for risks, we’re looking for rewards…. The appreciation of life that comes from putting yourself in a risky situation, but with the tools and
rationale and the desire to live and love life. I think we live much richer, fuller lives because of it…I always climb with the ultimate goal of returning home to hold my kids in my arms and love and support my wife.”

Lowe-Anker lets Alex speaks for himself as much as she can. One of the nicer touches of this book is how Lowe-Anker includes so many of Alex Lowe’s personal, beautifully written letters to her. She describes them as his greatest gift to her and their children. He writes, also in attempt to decipher his passion for climbing:
“I actually find solace in the rhythmic cadence of throwing my weight against the resisting bag, over and over again until it grudgingly flops up onto the ledge like
some great inanimate leviathan.”

And, in another letter: “I just want to move more gracefully through the mountains as long as I am able.”

After his death, more letters came to Lowe-Anker “from everywhere, from relatives, friends, and acquaintances and from total strangers in distant places…
‘Alex inspired me,’ they said, ‘to live larger—to dream bigger and to pursue my dreams. He set high standards for us all.’”

Apparently, he set high standards for Lowe-Anker as well. He was an “exuberant cheerleader” encouraging her to climb herself and then paint professionally—which she does with success—and she clearly feels gratitude for his support, seeing their relationship as having involved some sort of oath “of adventure, passion, and determination to live our dreams.” In other words, if he were happier climbing, Jennifer knew that she would be happier—and so she created a life of simple routines for herself and her boys, and made it work when he was away, knowing that he might not return.

When Alex is trapped in the avalanche on Shishapangma, Lowe-Anker gracefully writes of the tragedy that befalls her. It’s not just the death of Alex. Before Alex, her grandmother,with whom she also has a unique epistolary connection, also dies and, after Alex, her mother and sister die, as do other climbing friends. There is so much death in her life that at one point she feels death surrounds her. At the same time, Lowe-Anker’s life is definitely blessed. She finds new love with Alex’s climbing partner, Conrad Anker, and it’s hard not to root for her since Conrad’s less narcissistic nature allows for a deeper partnership. Jennifer admits, “In Conrad, I was surprised to find one of the more charitable individuals I had met.”

Jennifer Lowe-Anker could also be described as a charitable soul. She rarely questions her role as Saint Jennifer. She gives great weight to the romance of her early times with Alex. The title of the book refers to the forget-me-not flower, which Alex brought back for her from an early climbing expedition. In addition, she and Conrad Anker establish the Alex Lowe Charitable Foundation, which aims to instruct and reminds us of the countless sherpas who also die on these mountain landscapes. Forget Me Not helps Lowe-Anker make the most of her memories of Alex, and perhaps helps to shed light on her new life with yet another professional alpinist.

Elizabeth Brinsfield earned her MFA in Creative Writing from the University of Montana and currently lives in Eldora, Colo.

Like this story? Get more! Sign up for our free newsletters.