Wyoming News

Snowblog Essay

Teton Bicycle Rally Marks End of Winter

By Clarence Worly, 4-26-11

Photo by Alabama Worly.

Winter in the Rockies is long. After six months of the white stuff even the most avid boarders and skiers are ready for a change of season by the time the month of May rolls around.  Idaho Falls resident Matt Stanger has spent the past twelve years making sure Old Man Winter knows he’s no longer welcome by organizing a rite of spring event enthusiastically known as the Grand Teton No Motor.

This homage to better weather began back in 2000 when Stanger was an ecology student working his way through school at a bicycle shop in Southeast Idaho. He used to ride with a group of hardcore cyclists that did 60-mile loops through Yellowstone Park each spring. Fun for Stanger, but his regular crowd of friends weren’t up for a marathon ride through steep mountain terrain. His crowd was more about marathon rides across town to the bar.

In the hope of getting his friends more involved with cycling, Stanger worked up a short ride into Teton National Park that would provide the most beautiful scenery the West has to offer while keeping the physical challenge at a level even a 49-year-old fat man could handle.  It should be noted Stanger wasn’t entirely selfless in creating this ride; he was also trying to entice his girlfriend to get out with him. It worked; he’s now married to said girlfriend.

Who knew bicycling could be used to pitch woo?

The No Motor, as it is affectionately referred to by seasoned veterans, takes place each year on the last Saturday of April. May 1 is opening day for motorized traffic in Teton National Park and more specifically, on the road to Jenny Lake. Stanger took advantage of the park’s schedule to create a memorable ride for all while eliminating the possibility of cyclists getting run down by cell phone yapping SUV drivers.

Although the distance from the start at the Taggart Lake Trailhead to Jenny Lake is only 5 miles over a pancake-flat paved road, it takes the No Motor group several hours to complete the trip and return. This is due to the nature of the ride. While the destination is of some importance, it’s more about getting there in style, socializing along the way and enjoying a close-up view of the Tetons.

Stopping to have sitdowns in the middle of the road every few hundred yards is the norm. Spirits are high and passed around freely, as are tales of winters past and summertime adventures yet to come. Dogs are plentiful on the ride as well, and these sitdowns allow canine social time. The dogs seem to feed off the positive energy their owners exude.

While any style of bike is accepted without bias, several “No Motorists” work the entire winter building custom bicycles that often epitomize form over function. Breakdowns are not uncommon.

Many of these highly sophisticated two-wheeled marvels are on the cutting edge of homebuilt technology. The ride offers local bike builders a chance to showcase their inventiveness and creative prowess. Custom bike designs are as diverse as the riders, from wacky recumbent contraptions to sleek lowrider choppers to 1930s retro looks. The more unique, the better.

The dozens of No Motorists who participate each year come from all walks of life, from aviation mechanics and college students to plumbers and chemists. Folks of all backgrounds and ages meld into a unified mass of bicycling revelers bonded by deep-seated seasonal optimism brought on by the promise of warmer weather.

Music along the way is provided by the incomparable Jonny B and his battery powered boombox-equipped “Trike of Entertainment.” You’re as likely to hear Merle Haggard belt out “Okie From Muskogee” as you would a Social Distortion classic or a clever Henry Rollins ditty. Anything goes.

Arrival at the south shore of Jenny Lake is traditionally kicked off with a moving speech by Stanger, followed by snowball fights, polar plunges in the lake and, of course, occasional brief nudity. Food is up to individual riders, but can be prepared on trailered barbecue grills brought in by the strongest riders. After a hearty lunch the party tends to settle down. Folks wander the trails around the lake and delight in the unspoiled beauty of Teton National Park before peddling back to reality.

Based on another Stanger revelation, the 2011 Grand Teton No Motor is going to try something new, an optional theme. This year’s theme will be “People of Wal-Mart.” I’m going as myself of course; no need to change a thing. Others may need to do a bit of costume research should they choose to participate.

The essence of the Grand Teton No Motor is difficult to derive.

I think of it as a joyful band of gypsies, wandering on bicycles with no formal organization, characterized by riders shouting words of encouragement to one another laced with profanity and goodwill. A genuine camaraderie of old friends and new acquaintances who enjoy the gift of springtime in the Rockies and truly appreciate the experience of living near one of the most beautiful places on the planet.

That’s just my opinion. If this sounds like something you might be into, please join us and develop your own vibe about the event.

The ride begins at about noon Saturday at the Taggart Lake Trailhead parking lot on Teton Park Road off U.S. Highway 89, just a few miles north of Jackson Hole. All are welcome, but parents of young children should definitely consider this an R-rated activity. And be sure to bring clothing for every possible weather condition. Sometimes Old Man Winter dies hard.

Clarence Worly blogs about life and selected current events as seen through the eyes of a middle-aged fat man at www.clarenceworly.com.

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