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Dear Prince Bandar


By Michael Conniff, 12-15-05

Your Majesty:

May I call you “Your Majesty�?

We have never met—I have never had the privilege—and we probably never will. But I do know that we are neighbors in this beautiful valley for at least this part of the year. I am told that you fly into Colorado in a jet so big you have to land in Grand Junction, and I have heard all about your spacious home high atop Aspen. I was told that your compound is fortified against all comers, and I know that it is not unusual for those who work the property to sign a non-disclosure agreement. I understand why a Prince in your position, a member of the royal family of Saudi Arabia, must take precautions, even in Aspen. I would do the same were I only royal.

Though we will probably never meet, I know many good things about you. You are said to be generous to local causes and you are considered an important member of our small community. At the Aspen Institute, where the differences of nations are always under discussion, you have given generously enough to have the name “Bandar Center� on one of their most prominent gathering places.

I also know you have recently resigned your post as Saudi Arabia’s ambassador to the United States, and perhaps this will allow you even more time to spend in Aspen. Maybe that means former President Jimmy Carter and his family—even his grandchildren—can come to Aspen more often now that you have more unofficial time on your hands. My guess is you will have a chance see President George W. Bush and his father, President George H.W. Bush, often enough for them to remember your nickname of “Bandar Bush,� as if you’re a member of our family royale. I know you are close to all Presidents but especially the Bushes. I even know the first President Bush became a senior advisor to the Carlyle Group in Washington, and that you actually count on the Carlyle Group to train your country’s military.

I hope you will forgive me now if I talk to you neighbor-to-neighbor. We all need your oil to keep our country going, of course, and as your best customer we want you to feel welcome when you come to Aspen or even Washington, D.C. We’re a friendly people, as you know, and we love to be friendly with our friends, despite any and all differences.

We like to call that “the American way.�

But it’s getting harder to make you feel welcome, Your Majesty. Maybe you can help me figure this out. Osama bin Ladin, our nemesis and the mastermind behind the attacks of 9/11, is a Saudi, and I just read his own father actually re-built Mecca back in the day. Fifteen of the nineteen hijackers who destroyed our world on 9/11 were Saudis. In the days after 9/11, a whole planeload of Saudis were flown out of the United States at a time when no one was flying anywhere. Membership in the royal family has its privileges, I suppose, even in the United States.

As you may have heard, even though your bin Ladin is a Saudi, and all those hijackers were Saudis, even so the United States decided to invade Iraq and not Saudi Arabia for reasons we need not concern ourselves with now. The point is this: we need your help. Everything I’ve seen or read about Osama bin Ladin and Islamic jihad traces it back to the Wahhabi religion in Saudi Arabia —your religion. I’ve also been reading that your country and your family, the royal family, have spent tens of billions of dollars exporting Wahhabism to mosques around the world, including those right here in our country.

I don’t mean any offense, Your Majesty, but as your neighbor here in Aspen I have to ask you to please stop doing that. Here’s why: your religion preaches that anyone who doesn’t believe in your religion is an “infidel� and hence deserves to die in the jihad. I, myself, and many other Americans I know would prefer to stay alive so as to breathe the pure air of democracy, liberty, and freedom—the United States of America’s van-choc-straw. We like it here, in America and in Aspen, and we want you to feel welcome, but it’s going to get harder if you don’t stop exporting a religion that literally wants to destroy our men, our women, our children, and what we call our way of life.

If Wahhabism is at the hear of terrorism, and if Wahhabism is at the core of your country and your royal family, then something’s got to give, to use our vernacular. We can’t be your friend if you want to destroy us, no matter how many Presidents come to stay at your home in Aspen. I know you’ve got more money than God, Your Majesty, but some day all of you will have to answer to God, just as we will have to here. You will have to answer for what you’ve done and for what you’re doing to us. Maybe that’s God’s jihad, for all I know.

In the name of God—and you can call Him anything you want—I am asking you as a friend and neighbor to stop supporting terrorism as a matter of state policy. We know you’re doing it and you know you’re doing it, but if you want to keep coming to Aspen with our Presidents then it’s just got to stop. If you want to be our friend, then you need to stop acting like one.

If you’ve got time while you’re in time, feel free to stop by, and by all means be of good cheer.

With best wishes for a glorious holiday season, Michael Conniff!



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