Missoula News

Bob Wire Has a Point (It's Under His Cowboy Hat)

English: Know it. Learn it. Live it.

By Bob Wire, 4-16-07

Good morning! Thanks for joining me, Professor Bob, for our little discussion on language usage. On the radio this morning, I heard a news report on Trail 103 about a legal ruling that squashed a lawsuit. Actually, a lawsuit gets quashed. Bugs get squashed. People grow squash. Squirrels get squashed when I run over them with my VEE-hickle.

I have a guitar case full of pet peeves, but the near-miss of words and general mangling of the English language (which is mangled pretty well to begin with) gets me gnashing my teeth and spitting blood. I frequently hear, for instance, people say that they’re not “adverse” to doing something objectionable. What they mean, is they’re not averse to it. Doing something objectionable, like, say, French-kissing an orangutan, would create adverse conditions in your mouth. See the difference? Good. Take two gold stars out of petty cash.

Now, I don’t claim to be a know-it-all wordsmith, it’s just something I try to watch with my own writing, therefore hate to see in the writing of others. A few years back I had a story published in the Missoula Independent, and I referred to a musician as being a bona fide country artist, which means the real deal. Well, the editor at the time (who has moved on to a high school newspaper in Minot, N.D.) decided to type the phrase as “bonified.” That’s not even a goddamn word, but it looks like the past tense of “to bonify.” As in, “that slut was bonified three times in one night.”

[This was the same editor, by the way, who thought P.F. Flyers were underwear. Punk.]

The phrase “bona fide” falls into the category of foreign phrases Americans probably shouldn’t use. Americans have long been known to take a foreign phrase and “adapt” it to our language, much the same way our military is “liberating” Iraq. I learned a good bit of Spanish in the kitchens of various Mexican restaurants, where I waited tables during my college years. I’ve forgotten most of it, but one phrase, “mano a mano,” is gleefully misused throughout our culture. It means “hand to hand,” as in, “I’ll fight you mano a mano, so put down that machete, cabrón.” It does NOT mean “man to man,” as it’s so often wrongly used: “Let’s take these machetes outside and settle this, mano a mano.”

[To be fair, I have to say that the “direct confrontation” usage has gained acceptance. But then, so have neck tattoos and pierced labia.]

Blissfully ignorant and frequently hilarious misuse of phrases foreign and domestic occur largely on local TV and radio news. Why? Because these people tend to find being on the air more important than practicing journalism. Case in point: in yesterday’s Missoulian, a headline correctly reads: “Moscow police quash protest.” I bet the KGB quashed the shit out of those protesters, too. As for the online world, well, it’s just so new and crazy and unregulated, no one (including me) needs any credibility whatsoever to spout their hooey.

[Example: I just modified the Wikipedia entry for Herbert Hoover. Now it says he stole the plans for the electric vacuum from Neil Electrolux in 1927, and created a diesel-powered vacuum cleaner that actually sucked up all the topsoil in the Midwest, creating a dustbowl that precipitated the Great Depression.]

Americans have borrowed, adopted, pinched, filched, and stolen phrases from pretty much every foreign language they’ve come across. One language I largely steer clear of is Latin, because I’m not sure what a lot of it means. Although I have been given the status of “persona non grata” on many occasions.

Here are a few foreign phrases I try to avoid:

Mea culpa: I used to think that means you really liked Bill Cosby in “I Spy,” but the white guy was kind of lame.

Ex post facto: This, I believed for a long time, was the pass route that Deion Sanders ran when he caught his first touchdown pass in the NFL.

Faux pas: This was the pump fake that Troy Aikman did before he threw that touchdown pass to Deion Sanders.

Carpe diem: Using a coupon to buy a giant goldfish. Or, perhaps, “seize the rug.”

Coup de grace: Now this one, I love. “I played a ten-minute solo during ‘Sweet Home Alabama,’ and the coup de grace was when I broke three strings and poured a beer into my F-hole.”

Hoi polloi: The best—and most overlooked—line in Caddyshack was uttered by (of all people) the spoiled rich nephew, Spaulding. As he was toking up on the dock when Danny Noonan arrived, dressed in full nautical regalia, Spaulding called out, “Ahoy, polloi.” Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

Pro bono: I’m pretty sure this means that you like Sonny, hate Cher.

Terra incognita: unfamiliar, strange territory. Example: “Vice-president Cheney today entered the terra incognita of telling the truth.”

So that ends today’s lesson, kids, and I want to leave you with this little tidbit. It’s a French phrase that means “to cut the grass.” Meau de londe. Use it in good health. Now git!

Bonus: If you like this kind of thing, you might dig this website:
http://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/useful.htm

[Need a wise elder to help guide you through life? Until that person shows up, you can slum it at newwest.net/bobwire.]
http://www.top-blogs.com/cgi-bin/rankem.cgi?id=ednor59











http://www.humor100.com/cgi-bin/rank/rankem.cgi?id=ednor59

Like this story? Get more! Sign up for our free newsletters.