Networking the West with Liz Ryan
The Opposite of Networking
By Liz Ryan, 11-14-06
They're starting to bug me, these Divas and Gurus and Goddesses. Let's start with the Divas -- and here I confess I'm old-school, maybe because my earliest professional training was (and continues to be) in operatic performance. A diva, to me, is a classical singer of the female gender, period, and to really earn the moniker she should be singing at the international level, and with any luck, acclaimed.
But today we have Networking Divas and Startup Divas and Marketing Divas and even SEO Divas, not to mention Goddesses of all stripes, Gurus, Mavericks and more. Today I got a letter from a gent who styles himself "America's Business Launch Guru." I mean. Give me strength. Personal branding, typically of the most overwrought and preening variety, is all the rage.
And people bring this self-promotion to networking, online and in person. One woman set up her Outlook account so that the "from" field on messages in your inbox doesn't say "Jane Addams" but it says "Jane Addams Networking Guru." That's just in case you need to be reminded of Jane's opinion of herself, every time she pings you to say she's written an article or added 100 new LinkedIn connections.
Years ago, I found myself in a taxicab in Chicago travelling from one networking event (Ron May's birthday party, if you follow these things) to another (the Fast Company get-together at Old St. Pat's church, if memory serves). I was in this cab with two fellow networkers who wanted to go from the same party as me and arrive at the same networking event I was headed to. One of my cabmates was a lady I knew slightly and the other was a guy who had a networking site in Chicago, called SchmoozePeople or something like that. Imagine my surprise when the next day, the taxicab ride was written up on the Schmoozepeople site, including my name and the name of the other lady and referring to the two of us as "schmoozebabes." That would almost be funny if it weren't pathetic. Now, when I get in a cab with you, do I have to make you sign an affidavit confirming that you won't report the incident in your lame self-promotional networking newsletter and refer to me as a Schmoozebabe, Friend of the Maverick, or some other infantile designation?
This LOOK AT ME networking is the opposite of true networking, which is an interaction where an ordinary smart person meets another of the same and the two of them share ideas, contacts or perhaps recipes for cocktail franks. It doesn't matter exactly what transpires: the key is that one of them says "I would like to know more about you" and the other says "same here" and they have a conversation.
The Mavericks and Gurus and SchmoozeDudes and Divas and Goddesses hold the mistaken belief that if you say you are wonderful, other people will believe you. The truth is that if you say nothing and comport yourself in an intelligent and engaging way, people will gravitate to that. Personally, I'd shy away from a person whose personal tagline is "America's Business Launch Guru." I'd wonder why the person has to trumpet his accomplishments, why he isn't content to let other people introduce him, as in "You must meet my friend Peter - he's quite an expert on business launches."
My friend Ginny went to a marketing event last week where a gentleman told her about his large number of LinkedIn contacts. "What I do," he said, "is go look at all my contacts' contacts, and I look for the people who include their email addresses in their profiles, and I invite them all to connect to me." This story brought to mind the upper-class men of the Civil War era who paid working-class fellows to go and fight for them. I mean, why go to all that trouble - why not pay someone (I'm sure there are people who would do it) to go and get you connected to thousands of LinkedIn users? If you like this kind of fake networking, there's no end in sight for you.
But if you do that, and style yourself the Online Networking Poobah and write in your Poobah newsletter describing every new person you meet as a member of the Poobah Club, you might still lack for fruitful conversation. Which, it seems to me, is the whole point.
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Not sure how you can eliminate it but rather you simply become more aware and push for authenticity with ourselves and with those around us. I do speak with some authority on this subject since I am one of the those folks who is continually learning the path of authenticity :) Quoting from that recent CW hit out there, "Some People Change".
Happy holidays to all of you.
Right on. A while back I went to a biz networking event. The majority of attendees had a "what's in it for me" mindset. Strange as I have attended numerous networking-type events in the past and had never encountered quite this level of self interest.
In my opinion, the best networking is giver's gain - "How can I help you get what you want or need?" And even, "How can we work together on a cool project?"
On the upside of this biz meeting, another person attending "got it." And she and I have not returned to that group - but we now refer business, troubleshoot issues, etc.
Ultimately, wherever you go there's a good chance you can connect with a terrific person who gets it. And why not do some positive networking over the holidays? :) -- W.
So refreshing to see a story mention being offended and Ron May and for it not to be Ron May as the offending party! Thanks for sharing.
David Dalka
http://www.daviddalka.com/createvalue/
Great article.