Column: Making it in Missoula

Cursor-Controlled Winks: The Land of Virtual Socialites

By Big Sis, 10-11-06

It’s a brave new world out there for socialites—the land of virtual networks. I’ve come to realize lately that I’m woefully ignorant about the function and etiquette of the many online social hubs. And I hope to stay that way.

Little Sis had a few friends over Friday night to partake in our favorite meal—a mish-mash of Mexican food. Over fried corn tortillas, tomatillo salsa, and plenty of beans and cheese, I listened with a bit of awe and a lot of confusion as the ladies discussed these online social sites.

“How’d you end up meeting him in the first place, A?” asked J during A’s story about an old flame.

“Oh, I poked him on Facebook,” A replied nonchalantly.

“Is that like getting winked at on match.com?” asked J.

“Huh?” I asked intelligently, while spilling most of my tostada on my lap.

“You know, Facebook. It’s like Myspace, but for college students,” explained A.

“What’s Myspace?” asked L, my ally in un-coolness. I wondered if we were the only 26-year-olds in town bewildered by meeting people through mouse-click pokes or cursor-controlled winks.

A loud sigh emanated from the more experienced, mostly younger, women. They quickly explained the difference between the many websites—some used for dating, some used for re-connecting with college/high school/pre-school friends, some used to network and find jobs/apartments/weird beetle collections.

“My friend and I set up a joint Match.com account a couple years ago. We combined both our profiles as a joke,” said J.

“How’d you pick whose picture to use?” L asked.

“Oh, we just used a picture of my dog.”

“Huh. Did anyone respond?” I asked.

“Oh, yeah,” said J with a grin. “We had the best headline on our website. It said: ‘How you gonna light my fire?’ This one guy emailed: ‘I’m gonna buy a Duralog for $3.99.’ ”

Okay, good, I thought. A practical use for internet social hubs—when my wood pile gets low this winter, I’ll just solicit anonymous folks on a dating website for slow-burning logs.

A few days prior to our Mexican dinner gathering, I shared a pitcher of beer with some friends at the Old Post. Among them were two 60-something men, one a father of a friend. Let’s call them Older Gentleman #1 and #2. Eventually, OG #2 brought up dating, and asked how OG’s might meet interesting Older Ladies in town.

“Well, I’m certainly no expert on meeting single people of any age,” I replied. “But here’s some inspiration: my grandpa just got engaged to a lovely OL on Monday. I’m going down to California to meet her this weekend.”

“Did your grandpa meet her on eHarmony?” asked OG #2.

“Um, no,” I answered.

“Well, I think OG #1 here should get on the eHarmony bandwagon. I know tons of people that found dates online. Maybe you should try it, too,” OG #2 told me as we finished the pitcher.

I’m beginning to wonder if I am missing out on potential social interactions via the World Wide Web. Maybe I’m forfeiting potentially awesome, lifelong friendships by not scouring the profiles on Friendster. Maybe one of those long-lost high school acquaintances on Myspace could have been my link to fame and fortune. And maybe the cream of the dating crop is slipping through my fingers while I avoid Match.com.

I sure hope not. Because I’m not planning to learn how to navigate the land of alluring profiles, bizarre instant-messages, and searches for long-lost junior high crushes anytime soon. I actually had a Myspace account (set up for me by my high school friend), which I canceled after a month.

I’m a fan of the up-close and in-person type of relationship. I spend enough time in front of the computer at work, and don’t want it to also become my main outlet for fun during time off. I have enough trouble managing my three (or is it four?) email accounts, much less responding to online profile comments from people I last talked to in first grade, or will never actually talk to in person.

So, what do you all think? Is it necessary to learn the intricacies of online socializing? Is it worthwhile? Fulfilling? Do you have any inspirational stories about finding your favorite pet or stumbling upon your life partner while engaged in one of these internet social hubs?

Do tell. If your story’s convincing enough, maybe I’ll even give Match.com a go. Who knows—maybe I’ll find more than just a Duralog to keep me warm in the dead of winter.

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