Savagemama: Notes From a Pregnant Mama

My Toddler the Torturer

By Jennifer Savage, 1-31-08

After a few nights of very little sleep, I’ve decided that my daughter should consult with the Pentagon, the CIA and Blackwater. She’s cornered the market on torture and they should know about her tactics. Cough every five minutes, rustle the covers every 30 minutes, squeeze tiny hands with sharp fingernails under mom’s back. Repeat again and again until she wakes up.

The torturers at Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo have nothing on her. If the GOP really wants to know how to get information out of terrorists the need not employ water boarding, they only need to put prisoners in a room with a teething toddler for a few nights in a row and they’ll get whatever information they want.

The only bone-chilling possibility in all of this I’m trying to not think about it that this innate knowledge Eliza seems to posses might just classify her as a Republican. And that is scarier (sorry Dad) than any amount of missed sleep. 

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