SHAKE SOME ACTION
I Am the Law, Son
By Randy Harward, 3-23-06
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Sometimes, when you have power, you gotta work to abuse it. Especially when you're the mayor of a small Southern Utah city like Kanab. There's not a hell of a lot to do there, you know. Even when you're mayor, apparently. No ribbons to cut. Precious little graft-ertainment. Too few serfs and scant excuses to hassle them. Definitely not enough rabble-rousers, agitators, dissenters. So Mayor Kim Lawson, sitting in his office waiting for some action, probably screamed like a Showcase Showdown winner when he read 17-year-old newspaper columnist's Matt Livingston's indictment of his "Family Vision for the City of Kanab" resolution. Suddenly, he's inspired. He'll write a letter, maybe two.
Those letters were directed to the highest authorities he could think of: Livingston's bishop and stake president. Oh, snap! Surely they'd take exception to Livingston taking exception to Lawson's short-sighted and homophobic Sutherland Institute-inspired (and co-authored) resolution. How dare that little punk spit in the face of decent, clean-living people and The Family Vision? Much less the Mayor of the City of Kanab. Somebody, wrote Lawson, needs to administer a dose of "mid-course guidance"--explain to Livingston the importance of toeing the line and ducking the Rainbow Menace. Maybe box his ears, while they're at it. Sic 'em, church guys!
That's how you wield power: like an attack dog. Or maybe something more suited to a wuss, like pepper spray. Hold it at shaking arm's length, aim straight and true; be sure the business end isn't aimed at your own glassy wall-eyes or panting, drooling mouth. Otherwise you might hurt yourself. You could pull a Larry Miller and draw the scorn and contempt of the country. You might engender calls for a boycott of your little town (from no less than premier travel guide guru Arthur Frommer) and screw yourself out of tourism dollars (even if it does come in $1.19 bottle-of-Diet-Coke and $2.50 gallon-of-gas increments). Not to mention betray yourself as a dumb, braying jackass that just happens to resemble the ostensbily very bored Mayor of the City of Kanab.
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Comments
The Resolution has NO verbage to exclude anyone, it is simply an ideal or a goal. As for the tourism aspect, I have recently gone 2 hours out of my way to make sure I went to Kanab to buy the $1.19 bottle of Coke and the $2.50 gallon of gasoline to show my support for the Mayor and Kanab. In fact a group of 31 of us changed our plans to go to Tahoe this summer and instead are going to Kanab. BRAVO Mayor Lawson!
Jason: It doesn't matter whether it's an ideal or a goal or an amendment. The idea behind it is bigotry, which is exclusive and hateful. And Lawson harassing and infringing on the First Amendment rights of a 17-year-old boy is cowardly and shameful. You support that?