A diamond in the rough, priceless beyond measure

There’s No Fixing Aunt Pearl

By Mollie Fager, 3-27-06

Recently I had the pleasure of enjoying a cup of coffee with a friend of mine and the conversation turned to one of my favorite subjects, art and poetry. He mentioned that the only poetry he’s ever read was his Aunt Pearl’s poetry. As I asked more questions about Aunt Pearl, the story that unfolded about this unique woman held even more insight for me as a writer, art lover and parent.

Aunt Pearl is the beloved aunt, great aunt, cousin, etc. of a large, east coast Italian/Jewish family. As a child, Aunt Pearl was a different kind of learner and as a result school was difficult for her. She was also socially dysfunctional and shy. What seems to be apparent today is that Aunt Pearl’s oddities are strikingly similar to symptoms of autism. Aunt Pearl happens to be one of those people that mainstream culture is often unkind to, which can result in homelessness, drug addiction and all myriads of abuses. Aunt Pearl however is one of the few lucky ones as she comes from an extended family that embraces and accepts her, oddities and all. My friend has emphasized to me that even though he and his family take turns caring for Aunt Pearl, he feels that really she takes care of them with the love and unique insights she has for each family member.

Aunt Pearl arrives at each relative’s doorstep with nothing but a plastic bag filled with the few toiletries she needs. She wears odd shapes and sizes of clothing that have been given to her by family members or that she has made herself. Apparently actually convincing Aunt Pearl to go shopping is considered a monumental coup. She lives a minimalist life.

Aunt Pearl is interesting in a variety of ways but I found it intriguing to learn that she is a poet. Her poetry is primarily in phrases that she seemingly grabs from thin air. Often these phrases are non-sensical, filled with misspellings and/or made-up words. She never, ever corrects them or rewrites them for improvement. In fact, one time my friend asked her if she wanted to run spell-check or have him edit a piece and she said “No—it came out that way, that must be how it was meant to be.”

I asked my friend what he loves so much about his Aunt Pearl and for him it is her perspective on the world that so enchants and delights him. She sees and offers the world to him in ways that others can’t. He relayed to me one delightful story that exemplifies this perspective….

“I took Aunt Pearl to see a friend’s house remodel, since she knows him from New York. The first thing she noticed was that he was using stucco on the siding of his house. She said "Oh, is that stucco? We had that, and it's no good. It cracks". My friend replied, “Well, the new stuff is better, we would have to have an earth quake or something for it to crack". Aunt Pearl then pointed out "Oh yeah? Well, it's one world and it's all cracking up…”

My daughter is five years old and struggles with a fairly significant speech impediment. How she puts together language and words is backwards than most children her age. I’ve noticed though that she’s different in a lot of ways and I find myself wanting to correct her differences because it makes me uncomfortable or worried as a parent that she will be teased or fall behind her peers.

Maybe what I need to do is take a lesson from Aunt Pearl and those who love her. I could be celebrating my daughter’s desire to spin circles with her head tilted against her ear, eyes closed, wearing her glasses upside down, or how she can write her name in any direction (except the one of course that matters for school). The truth is we can all fit in. Seeing the world the way everyone tells and wants us too is the easy part. Finding our own sight and then sharing that with others is another matter altogether.

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