Column: Making it in Missoula
Is It All Just Lines?
By Little Sis, 10-23-06
One of my girlfriends gave me this movie called Easy (the title of which doesn’t reflect on either of us, as the rest of this week’s column will illustrate). The opening scene consists of messages on a woman’s answering machine that encompass all the ways men seem to use to disentangle themselves from commitment.“Thanks for last night. I’ll call you next week. Or maybe the next.”
“So I’ll be out of town for the month.”
“You’re great, but I’m just not looking for anything right now.”
“Umm, I have a girlfriend . . .”
And from personal experience, my new favorite line:
“Is this going to change things between us?”
Um, yes, moron.
And my girlfriend’s favorite line:
“I’d love to hang out, but I have to go to the tricycle races.” This man is 35 years old.
With these lines in mind, I’d like to share my post-Spearhead concert experience. Everyone with energy left after jumping in time with Michael Franti made their way to Charlie B’s, and later to the Loft. Of course that included every ex-love interest, and some current ones, that live in town. It’s hard to decide which encounter was the most awkward.
The jerk the Cuz tried to set me up with before setting him up with my friend, who recently broke up with him? He gave me an all-too-familiar hug before spotting his ex across the bar and making a run for the back door.
The guy who insisted environmental functions required dates, and when we got there he realized we were at the wrong function (obviously there are too many non-profits in this town)? He was so drunk that he couldn’t focus his eyes or on a coherent conversation.
My most recent encounter, who I walked into the bar with? In a mutual fit of immaturity, we ignored each other for the rest of the hour we were there together. But it was that kind of ignoring when you know exactly where the other person is and who they’re flirting with, and making sure you’re receiving an envious amount of attention, too.
So, since none of these were promising opportunities for normal conversation, let’s turn to the random men instead. Here are a few encouraging tidbits from Tuesday night.
Me: “Can I leave my coat on this chair?”
Random Guy #1: “I’ll take care of all your clothing.”
Random Guy #2: “Have you ever had a manhattan?”
Me: “Um. . .”
#2: “This one I’ve got is too strong.”
(Some of you may be thinking, why is this funny? The answer is because we don’t drink manhattans in Montana. We drink dark beer and whiskey and gin. It’s too damn cold to drink anything else.)
Random Guy #3: sticks his hand down the back of my pants.
Me: shove him against the wall.
So, I’ve pretty much lost all hope in having normal encounters with the opposite sex in the Missoula nightlife scene. As a result, I’m staying away from all downtown bars this week. If I hadn’t had such a great time at the show, I might have called the night a bust. But Michael Franti is, luckily, unbelievable. Six-foot-six above sea level, and a beautiful reminder that not all men are jerks from the bar (or your last environmental function).
Quotes of the week:
“Oh cool, burp blankets! I never would have thought of that.”
“As if I’m not reminded often enough that I’m single and not having sex, I go to the doctor because I have a cold and she asks me when the last time I had sex was.”
Read the previous Making It In Missoula column: Tailgating in Its Many Forms [End of article]
Ahh, glad you brought this night up and speaking of jackets...Who stole my blue Patagonia Jacket from Charlie's that night! Damn you whoever; hope your nice and warm. Anyways, sorry for the rant...I bet one of the bar jerks you're referring to has it on while he reads this. Super fun night and an amazing great show...wow this is a small town (especially for wearing around a stole jacket!)
Comment By Big Sis, 10-23-06I love Michael Franti.
And speaking of stolen goods Tuesday night, rumor has it that one of our friends--let's call her Miss Social Butterfly--stole a kiss from Mr. 6'6''-Above-Sea-Level himself.
Sigh...if only it had been me...but I'm glad I didn't brave the random and familiar guys at the bar with you, Little Sis. Sounds like scary stuff!
Big Sis
That was funny--I love being able to get a laugh at work. Thanks and good luck finding the good guys. They're out there so don't give up!
Comment By rebecca, 10-26-06Don't keep that kind of stuff to yourself, red. Give it up if you know where "there" is!
Comment By Q. Random, 10-27-06Five Time It Hurt (Out of Dozens)
Vampira's Painful Truth
It's too intense
I'm not ready, does that make sense?
I just broke up six weeks ago, she said
I don't want to hurt anyone, does that make sense?
People always develop expectations
She looked at me, remembering my touch, my tongue, my lips
Remembering her own lust, unbridled, hungry
Remembering a gentle moment when she asked
Not with words, but an arch of her back, lifting her belly to my face
Startled by liking me, she fled
Weeks later I see photographs of her
Body only, face hidden in shadows, off frames, back turned
Vampira I, Vampira II, Vampira III... not quite ten displayed.
She is beautiful, but she is not a model
Her body transmits her emotions, complex, intimate
I realize suddenly the photographer must have been her lover
And she was thinking of leaving
Curious but Timid's Outright Lie
I'd love to, I'll call you tomorrow and we can arrange it.
Age Appropriate & Nearly Perfect's Narcissistic Blade
Did you mistake my openness for attraction?
Beautiful but Damaged's Emotional Sadism
Shows up with him
Flirts with me
Follows me around
Can't get away from her to flirt with anyone else
Leaves with him
Come back moments later
Orders Salmon River Sunset, and two straws
Insists that I share it
Days later
Friend calls me, join me for tea!
She is there
He shows up
She leaves with him
Trust me that I know but cannot explain
she planned it
So I could see
Beautiful But Broken's Emotional Indifference
she met me at the gallery
lovely photographs, our mutual friend
delicious flirtation
she wandered off with not one but three stoned hippy boys
later, two appear, spilling plastic cups too full of free wine, two each
I thought she had left
later, driving away, I noticed her stocking feet pressed up against her windshield
bare calves tensed
arms clasping a bare, hairy rump
poking out from beneath a tie-died t shirt
(c) 2006, Q. Random, All Right Reserved
(Reprinted here with permission of the author.)
http://antibogon.org
Q Random--are you using this space for your personal stuff? Cuz it's not related to the sis at all and it's weird. Sis--glad you dealt with the hand-down-the-pants dude. Enjoyed the writing.
Comment By Q. Random, 10-29-06hi Jake, Nah, this is just art and fun, no hidden motives. I'm not even anonymous. I've been using the nom de plume "Q. Random" for quite a while and I'm trivial to identify. This is simply an experiment in inspiration (read something inspirational, like the Sistersz columns, then write something inspired by it) that hit me when I was first introduced to The Sistersz column a few weeks ago.
Of course this poem is directly inspired by the original article, which both concern the shocking things people say and do to each other, sometimes even intentionally, when they have achieved whatever conquest they set about when ostensibly courting. Tricycle races? Come on! That guy needs therapy. He's not courting. He's clearly trying to exact revenge on the female gender for perceived injustice suffered at the hands of some other woman in his past. She probably made him want her as much as he wants to breathe, then told him she had to water her plants the next day or something, who knows.
All I did was flip the gender roles and use poetic free form verse rather than an essay structure. I thought the connections were transparent. Are you chronically sleep deprived, or not getting enough omega 3 fatty acids in your diet perhaps? Just kidding.
Now that you've mentioned it, perhaps it requires a bit more imagination to spot the connections than one normally employs when breezing through fluff comments like "love your stuff, keep up the good work" and such. I guess in that sense this poem could be considered a bit of guerilla art ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guerrilla_art ). In the purest form of guerilla art (as practiced by masters of the form such as Borat and Lazlo Toth), I would instead plant comments that appeared to be from slightly crazy people, designed to elicit argument from the real forum participants, trying to draw out their own neurosis and make them look silly or nutso, but that's not what I was inspired to do. The experience of encountering poetry in discussion forums is probably more like the random context of "found art" in some ways, excepting of course that poems are not industrial artifacts.
As for kinda weird... well... again like Sisz article, the poem is fictionalized accounts of things that really happened in Missoula between single people. Life weirder than people realize. A lot of people in this country who think we stand for freedom and democracy managed to vote for an administration that works actively to undermine civil liberties and works hard to establish a strange-world "right" of our government to torture, in violations of international treaties that were originally written and promoted by the United States. Some of those people are doing things like going to bars and putting their hands in Sisz pants without an invitation. As far as weird goes, I got nuthin' on that.
-- Q. Random