In Search of Alternative Fun in Missoula

By Little Sis, 1-17-07

In keeping with my latest vow of celibacy, I went in search of some wholesome alternative fun last week that didn’t involve ex-love interests or the downtown bar scene. My experiences raised some questions about what exactly is normal in social situations.

The first question: is it normal to be excited to go skiing when the wind chill is supposed to be -20 degrees? Even if it is supposed to be “legendary powder?” My friends were ecstatic about the possibility. I have to admit that either I’m a) not hard-core enough to appreciate the excitement, b) abnormal, or c) simply unaccustomed to constantly wondering if my nose is going to fall off soon.

Regardless, skiing at Lookout Pass on Thursday definitely fulfilled my Alternative Fun policy because there was no risk of running into an ex-love interest. I think there was a grand total of eight people on the mountain.

Upon return from the frigid pass to frigid town, I bounced (or rather, sprinted with every possible inch of my body covered in layers of sweaty polypro) to my next Alternative Fun engagement: dollar sushi night at Nara.

Here’s why I’m not sold on dollar sushi. First, it never ends up just being a dollar. You get ONE PIECE for a dollar, and because sushi is never filling, you buy at least fifteen pieces and still leave hungry.

Second, at Nara, there is no waiting space for the inexplicable crowd that descends on the restaurant for their $25 meal. This results in Arctic blasts from the constantly-open door and waiting customers hungrily eyeing your edamame as they hover impatiently in your personal space.

This tight crowd at the door provided the scene for the second question of normalcy. One man reached around and placed his hand on another man’s crotch to move him out of the way, and casually said over his shoulder, “Sorry, man.” They didn’t appear to know each other at all.

I have never seen this before. Is it the equivalent of the butt-slap in sports? It seems more like the equivalent of one woman propelling past another by pushing unceremoniously on her breasts. What happened to a simple, polite hand on the back to signal your presence? I’m nervous to stand in a crowd now—I feel that my vow of celibacy could be in danger from some stranger waiting for a $13 sushi roll.

The Alternative Fun event for Friday night was, of course, Amy Martin, the Indigo Girls and Winona LaDuke at Honor the Earth. No possible way to break my vow there because the only men in the audience were probably dragged there. Perhaps there could have been some sly men hoping to hit on emotional women after the sing-a-long to “Closer to Fine”, but I was luckily surrounded by females.

The question of normalcy that arose at this event involved the two women sitting in front of us. They chatted all the way through Winona LaDuke’s speech and half of Amy Martin’s opener. At intermission, I attempted to discover what was so compelling about their distracting conversation by eavesdropping.

Woman on right: “I just don’t see how we could have evolved from apes. We don’t even act like it.”

Woman on left: “Well, you know that 99% of our DNA is just like a banana.”

Ummm . . .

Wait, it gets better. These two women felt the pull of the acoustic folk music so much (they must have been riled up by the activism in the first half that they couldn’t hear because they were discussing the finer points of evolution) that they were the only people in the University Theater to stand and start dancing wildly. I’m pretty sure it’s not really normal for the Indigo Girls to drive their audience to head-banging, although Amy plays a mean harmonica.

When politely asked if they could dance on the side, thereby not obstructing everyone else’s vision, Banana Girl turned and yelled, “It’s a f***ing concert!” And upon being reprimanded by the lone security guard who was surprised at being called to action at the Montana Human Rights Network fundraiser in honor of Martin Luther King Jr., she screamed: “It’s the definition of a f***ing concert!!”

My conclusion is that Alternative Fun is full of surprises, and perhaps more socially entertaining than the same old Friday night. My last event of the weekend was to attend the Griz-Cat game. The surprise was that the Griz actually won. The socially entertaining part was watching several people in their late twenties and early thirties try to remember how to be inconspicuous when pouring whiskey into a paper Coke cup.

Question of the week:
What’s your favorite mode of Alternative Fun in Missoula?

There’s still plenty of time to enter this month’s You Made It Contest! Send your best (or worst) workplace romance story to bigsis@newwest.net or littlesis@newwest.net to win a bouquet and a bottle of wine, or you can nominate a friend to win.





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