The Difference Between Men and Women

By Bill Schneider, 3-16-07

This is a departure from my outdoor travel beat. Plus, it’s sort of bloggy and personal, but I learned something recently that I thought might interest you--another difference between men and women.

And one reason we shouldn’t always call dogs “man’s best friend.”

One day not long ago, I was out on my bike enjoying my endorphins on a warm winter day. Suddenly, out of nowhere comes this little brown dog. I don’t even see him until he was at my right pedal showing me his speed, like dogs do when they chase cars. I was on a slight decline, so my uncontrollable man instinct kicks in and I say to myself, “It’s only a little dog. I can take him.”

And the race is on.

About the time I reach my top speed (not so fast nowadays, I might add), my new little friend decides it likes the left side of the road better and puts on a burst and tries to cross in front of me. I didn’t react fast enough (okay, my reactions aren’t exactly youthful any more). My front wheel touches the dog’s rear end (it wasn’t as fast as it thought either), and in something less than a nanosecond, I’m rolling and sliding down the pavement, ripping up my expensive bike duds, cracking my helmet, losing lots of skin.

I’ll spare you the gory medical details, but as you can suspect, it hurt. Now, I’m walking around Helena with my right arm in a sling, falling behind on my work and getting in trouble with my bosses at NewWest for underperformance. (If you think it’s easy typing with one hand, try it.) While explaining to dozens of people at the coffee shop “what happened,” I noticed something sort of amazing. You’d think I’d learned everything by now.

After I explain to a woman what happened and all the pain and suffering I’m going through, using up all that Ibuprofen and Neosporin, looking for a little sympathy, they all ask the same question: “Is the dog okay?”

Hummm. I’m just now deciding not to make any editorial comments on that, which as you know is hard for me. I might survive getting in trouble with the Military Weapon Owners of America or Wolf Haters Unlimited, even the Assistant Undersecretary of the Interior, but I never, ever want to get on the bad side of Female Dog Lovers International.

Now, for the men. I explain it to them in the same way, and again, they all ask the same question: “Was your bike okay?”

Hummm. Again, no comment. But it does sort of confirm some common perceptions, doesn’t it?

So just in case you didn’t know there was a difference between men and women, now you do.