News Flash Missoula: Ron Jeremy Loves Porn!

By Big Sis, 5-25-07

The other night my friend Ron Jeremy—the alias my friend specifically requested—and I were standing outside the Union Club smoking cloves. We were arguing about if Tom Catmull is better with the Clerics or solo, when eventually I couldn’t avoid it anymore: For Adults Only. I mean the store’s right there, front and center on Main Street, awash in blazing neon with a blatant nudie rip-off of Pirates of the Caribbean that just dares you to look away. 

So, I asked Ron what he thought about porn. Turns out he loves porn, is all about it, for personal and couples’ use. Not in the “I have a dedicated hard drive for my stash” kind of way, but still, he’s a big fan. Which kind of made it awkward when he asked why I wanted to know, ‘cause I had to tell him the truth: I’m not sure it’s such a great idea. 

Now is probably a good time for a disclaimer: I’m not here to start a fight. I’m not here on any moral or religious tirade. I’ve got my own history with porn, getting busted as early as junior high with my dad’s stash of Hustler. So, I’m not out to condemn anyone for using or enjoying porn. A lot of people do it. I do it. 

But does that make it good for us? Specifically, does that make it good for our intimate relationships? I’m not so sure. 

I’ve heard the argument, and have at times made it myself, that porn is just a tool, just a piece of entertainment to help increase intimacy between you and your partner. It’s nothing dangerous, nothing corrupting, it’s all-natural. This was Ron’s argument when I told him I wasn’t sure porn was such a great idea for strengthening relationships. I told him that I thought it probably does more harm than good. 

Ron was a little put-off, but he had most of a clove left and it was a nice night, so he asked me what the hell I was talking about. I tried to explain myself. It went something like this. 

My senior year of college my girlfriend, a sociology major, was doing a comparative study of men’s and women’s porn.  So, she rented some porn. A lot of porn. Until then I’d never really had access to a full-length adult flick. My experience had been relegated to badly-thumbed magazines and whatever the Internet could provide over slow bandwidth. Movies were new territory and I was excited to have so many lying around. In a very smooth way, I suggested we perform our own little sociological experiment with all of this great research material. And we did. 

“Way to go, dude,” Ron chimed in, grinding the end of his clove into the sidewalk. 

“Yeah, but hold on,” I said. “Here’s what I learned: I didn’t care about my girlfriend when the porn was on. It was one thing when we were analyzing the trends and meaning behind all the crappy music and brain-numbing dialogue. But when we were lying there in bed, all I cared about was the action on TV. It was like my girlfriend, the person the porn was supposed to help me be intimate with, wasn’t even there. I might as well have just been at home alone.”

Ron moseyed down the street, checking out the For Adults Only window display. I sucked on my clove, thinking about how not terribly long after the whole porn-experiment episode, things went south with my girlfriend. Not that it was the porn did us in--I’m not blaming my breakup on porn. But a seed of doubt had been planted. There was something out there, a corrupt ideal we both knew she would never fulfill. 

I tossed my clove in an ashtray as Ron came strolling back.

“So,” I said. “What do you think?”

Ron just stood there for a second and then kind of absently shrugged his shoulders before heading back into the Union Club. And, until recently, that’s pretty much how I’ve thought about the issue of porn and couples. No big deal. 

But lately this realization that porn might bring with it more than just good times has been kicking around my head. Maybe it’s that I want to protect my new relationship from this late realization that porn can create a false standard. Maybe I’m just in a new place as a person. I don’t know. But for whatever reason, the idea that porn is more detrimental than helpful just won’t leave me alone. 

Why I am dragging all this out, here of all places? I’m curious to hear what others have to say, because porn is one of those things we like to shout about—for good or bad—but rarely does porn foster calm and civil conversations. 

So, to recap, here’s your homework: Is porn just one more way to keep things interesting in a relationship? Or does it actually create less intimacy between couples? And—here’s the kicker—why? 

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