The Worst Reason To Party, Ever
Talk Like A Pirate Day Is Not Cool
By Joseph Friedrichs, 9-19-07
As if getting excited about a jolly fat man who slides down the chimney, or smiling with the kids in the backyard to find where a fantasy rabbit hid some hard-boiled eggs weren’t hard enough, today is International Talk Like A Pirate Day. And as a standard act of defiance, I refuse to participate in this foolish celebration.
“You going to be drinking rum tonight?” I heard someone ask in a coffee shop this morning. “Cause I be.”
The duo then began to chuckle like deranged animals. I felt sick.
“Arrrrr,” I heard one of them say a moment later. That’s when I folded up my laptop and split.
This whole Talk Like A Pirate Day madness started back in the 1990s as a joke between two - and I’m sad to admit - Oregonians. To make a lame story short, these two guys were playing racquetball and started speaking like pirates. They enjoyed themselves so much they decided to make it an annual experience, a festival of sorts. That was back in 1995 and for seven years the day was celebrated by only a handful of people. It was during the 1992 gathering that famed humor columnist Dave Berry showed up to participate. An ensuing column helped spread word of this useless, mindless jamboree.
Throughout the world, including soldiers in Iraq, bars in Venice and college campuses from Maine to Oregon, International Talk Like A Pirate Day will give humans yet another chance to act like fools. And although I have no problem breaking the norm and even getting wild from time to time, I want it to have nothing to do with programmed celebration. Particularly when it comes to pirates.
There is no Santa. The Easter Bunny is not real. And celebrating pirates is for suckers.
Damn you Dave Berry.
[End of article]Crimoney, you writers think you change the world. Dream on Matey!
Comment By Pirate's Gold, 9-19-07It's a pirate's life for me!
Comment By Dave, 9-19-07Your talk like a pirate comments are terrible. The day is great sport. I don't much care for your nasty comments about Santa
or the Easter Bunny either.
Here's a quick for your miserable outlook on life. Stick a loaded gun in your mouth and pull the trigger.
Everyone else, party on and dance like nobody is watching.
Wow, you sound like a lot of fun to hang out with Joseph.
How will you follow up your avoidance of Talk Like A Pirate Day? By throwing rocks at kids who skateboard past your house?
Guess Joseph wants to be a Ninja instead.
Comment By Peter, 9-19-07Joseph, ye scurvy bilge rat of a landlubber, don't ye be malignin' me pretty boys what flies the jolly roger. If an adventurous life chasing the shiny doubloon is too strong for your poor, weak, scurvious liver, ye can just stand aside for better lads and lasses. Swabs and barnacles!
P.S. Ninjas can go walk the plank.
Time to pull Joe's Never Never Land card.
P.S. I may be getting older, but I refuse to grow up.
Personally, I prefer National Hoodie-Hoo Day, which nobody ever celebrates anymore, but persons are encouraged to stand in the street in front of their houses at precisely noon Eastern time and holler, "Hoodie hoo!"
When my kids were little, they liked this better than Talk Like a Pirate Day, which requires far too much effort. Plus, I wouldn't let them have rum.
What the hell did the pirates ever do to you Joseph? Jeez Its a fun holiday like almost every other day in the year has. There are days for everything, national pancake day, national naked day, national watermelon day...are you just as loathsome of all these days as well? What about the weeks!!! National smile week and library week....Wow Jo. What is the world coming to that you can't fine joy in the silliness of others.
Comment By J. Gelband, 9-19-07Pirates are played out. July 27 is National Take Your Houseplant for a Walk Day, which is cooler.
Comment By Rick from Pennsylvania, 9-19-07Arrr, Joe - are ye really so humorless? really so stiff as me Jolly Roger's plank? So ell me Joe, just what arrrrre ye wanting to replace our great feast day? Brahms Appreciation Day? Arrrr, that'll excite the Yahoo chat rooms! Or a National Bukowski Read-A-Thon? Arrr Nellie, the excitement just makes me incontinent. Now Joe Matey, may I suggest for yer next assignment .... an op-ed vs. the Big "Yes-Virginia-There-Is-Santa-Claus" Conspiracy Lie? Aye, then expose the Tooth Fairy for the foul wench she be. And Joe, when ye someday has wee lads and lasses of yer own... make sure they know it was their old man who showed the world the Easter Bunny was just a scurvy lying Hassenpfeffer. And 'til then Joe, when the doctor says stick out yer tongue, just say "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"
Comment By Captin Jame Hook, 9-20-07I propose a new holiday, September 20 should be International Feel Sorry for Joseph Friedrichs Day. This is a day where we can all have a big pitty party for the author of this article becasue growing up he got beat up on the playground by all the other kids, even the little girls. His mommy never breastfed him and his daddy never loved him. Because society was so terrible poor Joe has dedicated the rest of his life to trying to get attention by putting others down for enjoying life and he tries to spread his own misery by spreading viscious lies about the Easter Bunny and Santa. How does that sound Joe, is this finally a holiday you won't bash?
Comment By Bob Wire, 9-20-07When's International Naked Day? HOOODIE-HOOO!!!
Comment By Craig Moore, 9-20-07Bob, Interantional Naked DaY???? Shiver me timbers, we know where you will be wearing your pirate patch to cover your one-eyed trouser snake. Arrrrrrrrrgh!
Comment By Bob Wire, 9-20-07A walnut shell ought to do the trick. Avast!
Comment By StanBK, 9-20-07Maybe there should be a "Fold Up Your Laptop Day!"
I didn't go out to celebrate "Talk Like a Pirate Day," but enjoyed the efforts of my son and grandson. Yarrr! at least it hasn't been commercialized - yet.
Fried Riches my man, you better keep up the good work or I make you walk the plank. Talking like a pirate isn't so bad. OK, had to deal with Frodo talking like a pirate all day -- then it became bad. Next we can celebrate talk like a New Yoikow Day. Screw Santa and the Easter Bunny.
Comment By sharon fisher, 9-21-07My daughter's school celebrated Hoodie Hoo day.
As far as wanting to be a pirate, just remember that according to contemporary records, most pirates were considered to be sodomites. All those long months at sea, you know.
Aye, thar's the ironic rub! Want to end the holiday? Talk Like an Authentic Pirate in the locker room. You'll never hear another frat boy say Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Comment By Drover, 9-21-07It's Dave Barry, not Berry.
Comment By aldentedisciple, 9-21-07Avast ye apostates! By speaking with this crooked tounge, ye do hasten the return of the FSM! By His Noodly Appendage, we are all beckoned to the table and annointed with cheese. Let the eggplant and the cutlet tremble in their false marinaraaarrgh!
Comment By Scott, 9-23-07I know Joe and I have to stick up for the guy, who is unfortunately getting torn apart for his disgust with a truly obnoxious holiday. I may be the only one that has your back on this one Joe! Good to see you're still at it!
Comment By Rick from Pennsylvania, 9-23-07OK, truce. eye patch, scabbard and parrot back to the attic for another year. on to Crush a Can Day (Sept. 27), Name Your Car Day (Oct. 2), and Int'l Moment of Frustration Scream Day (Oct. 12). I call 'Beelzebubba' for my Pinto.
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