Resolutions For A New Year

By Alison Grey, 1-01-08

There’s no time like New Year’s to take one’s self confidence and bash it to the ground. It’s that time of year where we can all reflect upon what horrible, gluttonous, self-absorbed jerks we have been over the past year and make unrealistic resolutions to find salvation, health, love and spirituality.

At a recent trip to a Chinese lunch buffet, I sat in a savory MSG-induced food coma; somewhat pleased that I had literally overcome the challenge to, “eat all that I could eat,” I realized that 2008 was nearly upon us.

My fortune cookie read, “To achieve happiness, one must achieve moderation.” As the fat cells multiplied in my body and the cellulite rolls began to take form, I reflected upon a year of overindulgence and self-gratification, with little to no motivation to achieve moderation.

Now that that we are ready to ring in a New Year marked with the purchase of clean, unmarked calendars, it is time yet again to turn over a new leaf and strive for optimal physical and emotional health, putting behind my days of overeating, overdrinking and chasing dirt-bags.

Of course, even with the best intentions, I always find myself disappointed, when days later I am seduced by greasy food or greasy men, sending my resolutions and my self confidence, into a spiraling downward path to destruction where I focus more on my failures than my successes.

In a world in which French fries, ranch dressing and booze exist, making the sacrifice to lose weight seems unfair, unrealistic and just downright depressing. When the snow falls and powder days lure you to the hill, who really wants a ‘real’ job to get in the way? And what about the lure and excitement of debauchery, ridiculous behavior and unpredictability?

Suddenly, it dawned on me. To achieve my resolutions, I would actually have to believe in them. Most of my past resolutions have been based on the commercialized and popular goals our society pushes upon us.

This year, I’ve decided to keep my resolutions realistic, attainable and purely selfish. My new leaf this year doesn’t involve lofty goals to make the world a better place or to completely makeover my lifestyle. Nope, this year, I’m going to pay tribute to the true American spirit of turning the blind eye to reality and chasing my own selfish desires.

With an incredible month of snowfall in December, 2008 is set to be one hell of a ski season, and my resolution is to not let anything get in the way of a powder day. That’s right, no job, no hangover, looming debt or luncheon date with long lost friends will stop me from experiencing the blindly orgasmic exhilaration of drowning in that white, fluffy bliss.

Instead of vowing to lose weight by eating healthy (boring!), I will play more and eat what I want.

As I reach my mid-20s, perhaps I should be looking for a man willing to invest in a mortgage instead of a snowmobile. I vow, that I will not be lured to men solely by good looks, rock hard abs and skiing ability; I will at least attempt to take into consideration brains, personality and life goals that extend beyond the next cliff jump or face shot. Of course, that sits on the borderline of boring, so perhaps I’ll seek out less of a self-made man, opting more for a trust fund baby, who can achieve home ownership and live a life a of leisure.

And finally, I resolve to not be so hard on myself or anyone else for how we choose to live our lives, whether it be focused on a career or the skill hill, sobriety or overindulgence, promiscuity or abstinence, giving or receiving, stability or the ever-changing – in 2008, I’d rather focus on life and acceptance than silly, unrealistic and unattainable goals of perfection.

And with that, cheers to all of you hoping for a happy and healthy 2008!