Local Mechanic Disproves Global Warming

By New West Editor, 4-01-08

	Caption: Gabe Desalvo.

A local diesel mechanic named Gabe Desalvo has disproved global warming through the careful study of his surroundings, NewWest.Net has learned.

“See the icicle on that ’87 Monte Carlo,” Desalvo said, motioning to a thick ice form clinging to the bumper of a rusted muscle car slouched in his front yard.

“They ain’t been that huge since the winter of ought-3,” he said, referring to the unusually cold months of 2003 that produced some of the “girthiest” icicles Desalvo has ever seen.

Despite the alleged scientific consensus on global warming, Desalvo has pressed on with his unconventional research, much of which takes place during the course of his daily activities.

“Last march I could make it up to Coyote Canyon in my Blazer without even locking the hubs in; this year, I was up to the trailer hitch in snow. I thought scientists said the snow was supposed to be all gone!” Desalvo said with a hearty chuckle, slapping the knee of his worn Carhharts.

NewWest.Net investigated the claims and found that, just as hundreds of online commenters have said, winter has indeed been a cold one and thus, global warming cannot be real.

Editor in Chief Shortney Lowery, who drives to work every day, celebrated the news. “Now I don’t have to get an earful every morning from my righteous, bike-riding co-workers about how much smaller my carbon footprint would be if I walked or biked to work,” she said. “I don’t have to give a rat’s ass anymore, thanks to the ground-breaking work of Mr. Desalvo.”

Climate change skeptics around the country are astounded by Desalvo’s research, though many are unwilling to go on the record and risk losing the lucrative contracts that support their “research.”

“I just can’t believe it, the science is rock solid, there really is more snow this year. This guy has just undermined millions of dollars worth of research and years of study,” said a source in the scientific community who requested anonymity.