Missoula Notebook
How to Cross a Street in Missoula
By Sutton R. Stokes, 4-24-08
One of my favorite things about Missoula is that so many drivers still follow the law requiring them to stop for pedestrians, but that doesn’t mean I always want them stopping for me. Sometimes I’ll go so far as to pretend I don’t even want to cross, continuing along the sidewalk or turning to study a shop window until traffic clears and I can dash across without anyone noticing.
My strange behavior is probably at least partly a result of my recent tenure in the city of Baltimore, where the law is just as clear as it is here in Missoula that drivers are supposed to give way to pedestrians but no one pays the law the slightest attention. Mid-block crosswalks are little more than abstract paintings you can walk on, and you take your life in your hands even crossing at the corner on a walk signal if any cars are waiting to turn.
Baltimore is one of those pedestrian-unfriendly towns where people get so desperate to cross a street that they’ll dash out across two lanes to stand on the double-yellow line and wait for traffic going the other direction to clear. Then the traffic will fill in again on the side they’ve already crossed, leaving them marooned in the middle of four lanes of rushing traffic, with not a single driver showing the slightest inclination to just stop and get these people to safety.
So it is a little disconcerting, to a recent arrival from a place like Baltimore, when the traffic here in Missoula virtually screeches to a stop before you’ve even dipped a toe off the curb. It can make one feel rather put on the spot. For me, the natural reaction — just as when a stranger says “good morning” on the street, or when the clerk at the Verizon store in the mall is polite and actually helpful — is What are these people trying to pull?
I hope I haven’t been unclear: I think your little law is a good and important one. When I lived in Baltimore, it used to incense me how difficult it was to cross streets, especially since the traffic in many neighborhoods was mainly suburbanites driving in and cluttering up my city. I often insisted on my right to cross in less than safe circumstances, forcing flabbergasted drivers to slam on their brakes (and, no doubt in a few cases, to finger their nines), and I’m probably lucky I wasn’t killed.
I took the risk because I felt there was something important at stake, something connected to the overall cheapening of individual human worth that is one of the symptoms of our overall decline as a society and which you may have noticed intensifying lately unless you’ve been too busy worrying about who is going to get the most votes on American Idol.
In any society worth living in, cars must give way to humans, just like corporations shouldn’t have the same rights as humans and the president should remember who he works for (though it may be too much to ask that he or she be a human). It doesn’t make sense to take the thing that is more powerful than an individual human anyway and then defer to it.
As Humpty Dumpty tells Alice, “The question is which is to be master.”
Unfortunately, corporations currently do have the same rights as individual humans (see Santa Clara County v. Southern Pacific Railroad, 1887), the current president barely remembers his own name much less the oath he swore, and I think we all know the final answer to Humpty Dumpty’s question: our robot masters will be along soon for the first round of sacrificial victims.
But that doesn’t mean we have to lie down and take all of it.
At the beginning of this essay, I made reference to drivers “still” following the law requiring them to stop for pedestrians. I put it that way because I assume that the practice — like all quaint old traces of human decency — is on its way out.
One reason I think so is because so many pedestrians here behave as if someone were doing them a favor when traffic stops for them. As the cars ease to a stop — often merely an unnerving rolling stop (gee thanks, don’t let me put you out or anything) — the pedestrian sort of stutter-steps off the curb. The attitude expressed in the pedestrian’s physical posture is usually something like Stopping for little old me? Well, I certainly didn’t expect you to, but thank you thank you thank you!
Then the lucky lucky lucky street crosser breaks into a trot, apparently so as not to impose on the drivers’ extreme generosity and precious time any more than necessary, and rushes across the street, sometimes topping the whole disgusting display off with a fluttering little wave of thanks.
Why not do a little dance for the drivers as you cross, too, so they don’t get bored while they wait? Have some dignity, people. Remember, when you are afoot, everyone inside a car is your enemy. They represent the impersonal forces just looking for a chance to crush us all, and they must be resisted and constantly reminded of their place in the larger scheme of things.
People came first, and we are just letting the cars drive on our streets. Do you think they would stop if the law didn’t require it? Having just gotten here from a place where they don’t stop even though the law does require it, let me tell you that this right — one of the last ones we still have — is a tenuous one, indeed. Let’s stop acting like it’s a privilege.
Rise up!
Note: I’ll be away and unable to respond to your enraged comments for a few days, but will attend to them as soon as I can. Thanks, as always, for reading!
For more like this, read the rest of the Missoula Notebook.
Before anyone else comments on it, yes, I can see there is a contradiction between trying to avoid having traffic stop for me personally, and thinking it's a good idea for traffic to stop for pedestrians generally. What can I say? I am large. I contain multitudes.
Comment By anyone else pendejo, 4-24-08There is a contradiction between trying to avoid having traffic stop for you, and thinking it's a good idea for traffic to stop for pedestrians.
Comment By Nick D, 4-24-08The thing that drives me crazy is when people stop for me at intersections when I'm on my bike. It's hard because they're being polite (particularly in the kind of weather we've been having lately), but I also want to reinforce the notion that a bicycle on the road is not a pedestrian. That way when someone doesn't yield right of way to me, or turns left into me at a light, I have a right to be pissed off.
Comment By Bob Giordano, 4-25-08Many good points Sutton.
Pedestrian safety should be the number one priority of traffic planners. Many pedestrians have been injured or killed while crossing 4 and 5 lane arterials. One lane may stop, but another does not.
This tragedy just about never happens on 2 or 3 lane arterials.
Broadway, between Orange and Toole, used to be 4 lanes with lots of pedestrian injuries. It is much safer now that the road has been changed to a 3 lane (one lane in each direction with a center turn lane). 3 lane roads work best when the center turn lane has periodic landscaping that also serve as pedestrian 'islands'.
Gah! And when the lone, solitary car stops and waits for you to cross...crimony! Put me under the microscope, and let the seconds turn to minutes...creepy scrutinized road crosser.
I cross streets only under the cloak of darkness.
I am still pleasantly surprised that cars in our small WV town will stop and wait for me to walk across the road or wave me out of a parking lot when I'm driving. And yes, I always smile and wave a thanks for recognizing that I'm human and maybe their neighbor.
Comment By Jim Greer, 4-29-08Nick D, in general, bicycles are required to follow the same rules of the road as cars, but there are exceptions. Note the following quote from Montana state law: "...a person operating a vehicle by human power ... upon and along a crosswalk has all the rights and duties applicable to a pedestrian under the same circumstances".
So, if you're close to a cross walk on your bike, perhaps some of those folks are actually following the law.
(The full text can be found here: http://data.opi.state.mt.us/bills/mca_toc/61_8_6.htm under section 61-8-608)
New 'Get The Fuck Outta The Road' Program Aims To Increase Pedestrian Safety
WASHINGTON—In an attempt to address rising pedestrian deaths, the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration launched a new educational outreach program Monday to encourage people to "Get The Fuck Outta The Road."
Enlarge Image Pedestrians
The new billboards stress the importance of not being an unbelievable asshole, and paying attention.
The program began in selected cities this month with the distribution of pamphlets at each city's most dangerous intersections. It will also expand into national radio spots, televised PSAs, and, most importantly, word-of-mouth. Included in the pamphlets are tips on how every responsible pedestrian can learn to "Get The Fuck Outta The Road," including "Move your ass!" and "Look where you're fucking going for once!" as well as an instructive diagram for removing one's head from one's ass prior to stepping into the crosswalk.
NHTSA officials say they hope the program will eventually branch out to include elementary schools with the child-friendly program "Hey Kids, Get The Fuck Outta The Road!" which will feature a mascot called Tire-Tread Teddy.
"Our studies show that a large majority of accidents were caused by a direct failure of the pedestrian to not step right in front of a goddamned bus," program director Drew Dawson said during a press conference to announce the NHTSA's new website, MoveItOrLoseItAsshole.com. "We designed this program to be an easy-to-understand informational tool that will hopefully get these geniuses to pay some fucking attention."
"We're already planning a follow-up campaign to keep our message fresh," Dawson added. "By the third time you tell a pedestrian to get outta the road, they're already on their fucking cell phone again."
The NHTSA has also launched a number of complementary subprograms using funding from the National Truck Drivers Union and Greyhound Bus Lines. These include "Oh, Good, Just Ride Your Bike Down The Middle Of The Road Why Don't You," "Ever Heard Of A Crosswalk, Dickhead?" and, for more affluent metropolitan neighborhoods, "What The Fuck—Are You Listening To Your Special Getting-Hit-By-A-Car Mix On That iPod, You Vacant Asshole?"
The new program has already shown positive results. A test study in downtown Chicago was found to be nearly twice as effective in preventing pedestrian casualties as the NHTSA's previous "Have A Safer Journey" program. Likewise, early trials the family-oriented, "You Must Be Thinking, 'Hey, I Bet My Kids Are Playing In The Driveway, So I Think I'll Go Back My SUV Out Of The Garage Without Even Fucking Looking And Pulp Them Into A Steaming Red Mess,'" have been similarly successful.
Pedestrians who have been exposed to the NHTSA's innovative approach have reportedly received the message loud and clear, with many crediting the ad campaign with reminded them of the importance of being vigilant and responsible pedestrians.
"Cram it up your ass, I'm walking here," said Robert Catalonis, a D.C. native. "I'm an asshole? You're the asshole."
Although the long-term efficacy of the program remains to be seen, Dawson said there was a very real chance that the average pedestrian is "just too fucking ignorant" to learn anything from the NHTSA campaign.
To that end, he admitted that the agency had already begun work on a contingency plan in the event that the current program fails. While Dawson would not disclose many details, he said the backup program, called "Actually, Come To Think Of It, Just Go Ahead And Die, Fuckhead. See If The NHTSA Gives A Shit" would be a series of highway billboards.
Lou,
And what exactly is the point of all the foul language? Humor? Not funny; getting your point across? What IS your point? The foul language distracts the reader from what you really want to say. I've generally been impressed by the polite back and forth of replies to this post. Your comments make me sad that people feel they have to talk (write) in this manner.
FYI Diane, Lou's comment is a repost of an article from the satirical newspaper The Onion:
<a href=http://www.theonion.com/content/news/new_get_the_fuck_outta_the_road>http://www.theonion.com/content/news/new_get_the_fuck_outta_the_road</a>