MIssoula Notebook
It’s Just Not Working Out
By Sutton R. Stokes, 6-17-08
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| Caption: Zuzu really didn't like our 3-day plane trip from Baltimore to Montana. | |
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Kathryn at the The Dog Blog posted recently about whether being a good pet owner marks one out as good parent material. Apparently Kathryn’s dogs are trained to get out of the way of other people on trails, the sight of which inspired some passing hikers to opine that Kathryn is “so ready to raise children after raising those two angels.”
I agree with Kathryn that this is a stretch, since — as she points out — a dog owner can use certain tools and techniques that the law tends to frown on where children are concerned, such as shock collars, crates, and confinement to the back yard. Still, her piece came along at a moment when I’ve been thinking about the same question, though I come at it from a somewhat different angle.
You see, Amy and I are considering a divorce — from our cat. Zuzu — as in “Zuzu’s petals” from It’s a Wonderful Life — was part of the package when I first met my wife. I had never been much of a fan of cats before meeting Zuzu, but if any cat is going to convert you, it will be this one: she’s friendly, she comes when you call her, and the previous owner had her declawed in front, so there is no risk of cat scratch fever. We all coexisted happily for years, aside from the usual vomiting and occasional confusion of laundry baskets for the litter box.
As time has passed, though, certain negative sides to cat ownership have emerged. For example, Amy was diagnosed a few years back with a strong allergy to cat dander. In and of itself, this wouldn’t be enough of a problem to inspire Amy to consider getting rid of Zuzu, although a cat’s potentially 15-20-year life span seems to me a long time to go without being able to breathe through your nose or sit on the couch for more than 10 minutes without starting to itch. For my part, I dislike that we have to sleep with the bedroom door closed, as an allergen barrier, but, again, this wouldn’t be a big enough deal by itself to spell the end of Zuzu’s tenure in the Stokes household.
But the allergy problem means Zuzu is starting from behind when it comes to some other probably pretty normal issues where a cat is concerned, particularly one who has been moved around a lot lately, particularly one who was used to a much bigger house than our current Westside railroad shack.
For one thing, she is really needy lately, which is more of a problem than you might think when you are a work-from-home writer with enough distractibility problems as it is.
For another thing, there have been some accidents in the last couple of weeks, of a nature that she is now banished to our mud room and will never be allowed into the rest of the house again.
We think these accidents are probably stress related. Zuzu is only 11 years old, so it’s not like she’s lost control of her functions due to age. And the fact that she is discharging from both pipes suggests this is no UTI or bladder issue.
No, she just needs a bigger house and more attention than we can give her. I think she would do well with a senior citizen, or a stay-at-home parent, although I should point out that she’s not that needy, and she did just fine for years with both Amy and me away at work all day. The problem now, I think, mainly has to do with there being no set routine any longer.
So, to get back to Kathryn and the whole pet owner/parent equivalency, does our tentative plan to give Zuzu the boot mean we would make bad parents? What is our level of responsibility to a pet? Aren’t we supposed to love these things unconditionally? Personally, I find myself thinking longingly of the day when the house doesn’t have any restricted zones, and we don’t have to worry about a cat sitter when we go out of town. And it’s weird how personally I take the accidents and/or vomit, as if Zuzu is being malevolent. But I would imagine these same thoughts cross the mind of any parent at some point, as well.
And, finally, would any of these problems be sufficient reason for getting rid of a kid? I mean, if it just isn’t working out. (Kidding!)
Comments would be appreciated.
For more like this, read the rest of the Missoula Notebook.
Given the clues left in your house, perhaps the answers are in S-catology.
Visit some farms in your area that may want a mouser.
Without front claws, she just punches the mice to death. I doubt even farmers can stomach that kind of brutality.
Comment By Craig Moore, 6-17-08Catch and releasing mousing. There's money in that idea! At $5 a catch and repeated 20 times in a day at the same house.
Perhaps your cat could become an MMA star. Mixed mousal arts. Have her work on her kitty-jitsu ground game for the submission holds.
Good idea, Craig. It is the only ethical way to be sure that the last best mice are preserved for generations of felines to come.
Comment By Aaron, 6-17-08Hey man! I can relate. Issie has turned out to be a great dog and a huge bright spot of my day, except for one lingering problem: she habitually pees where she sleeps!
I've talked to some dog "experts" and they've said that it indicates really serious psychological issues that are probably beyond solving. The behavior definitely peaks when I have less time to spend with the dog for a few days, but it also never completely wanes when we're spending hours a day together as part of our normal routine.
And granted...I don't actually mind the constant washing of her bedding. It's the fact that I can have no carpeting, my couches must have enough items stacked upon them that she can't curl herself into a tiny spot, and my upstairs (where she finds her way to my bed and the guest room futon) is barricaded. It's surprising how annoying when you want to lay down on the couch to read or while talking on the phone -- but first need to remove the items you've stacked there.
I don't really have much to share other than to say that I share your pain -- and I occasionally wonder about the very dark things you are considering, including the fact that she is probably not placeable in a home, which means that my options are pretty limited when the time does come to let her go. :(
Think of the $5 per mouse catch as a rodentiary capitation tax that supports a cleaner environment and sustainable living through breeding. Mice, like rats, may be the protein source for the future. James Clavell had first hand experience with this and was the basis for his book 'King Rat.' Through another in the Barbe, the mouse NOT the cat. Eating cats would be uncivilized.
Comment By Craig Moore, 6-17-08Aaron, try Huggies with a tail hole when she is in the house. The wetness trapped next to her bum might be the incentive to hold it until she is let out.
Comment By Aaron, 6-17-08Thanks, Craig. I'll give it a shot.
Comment By Diane, 6-17-08Interesting that you should write a cat column today, as we are "cat-sitting" Nala while John and Deb are off on their honeymoon. So far she's been a doll, with no vomiting on the floor as I was told she occasionally does at home. We also have to close the bedroom door at night. If not, she tries to sleep on your head. She brings back memories of Zuzu, when she lived here on and off, depending on Amy's living accomodations. Zuzu is a sweetheart as cats go and I'm sorry to hear she's behaving impurrrfectly. (Sorry, couldn't resist.) Is your back yard fenced in? Maybe you could let her outside for a couple hours a day to work off her cat frustrations. But then I suppose she'd eat the grass which would lead to more vomiting. But at least she'd do it outdoors...maybe...Cats are difficult. When you try to play with them to give them some attention, they don't want any of it. Then as soon as you settle down to doing something, there they are, begging to be petted. Fresh air and a walk around the block always settled the kids down, but don't know if it will work for Zu.
Sorry I'm not much help. If you lived a little closer, I'd take her for a few days to give you both a break, however... wait, you could just ship her to us ... Well, maybe not...sorry that's all I can come up with.
What a bummer Sutton. In my vet clinic and shelter experience, however, these issues are par for the course for a cat. While your frustration abounds, let me offer a few unsolicited suggestions to consider before giving her the boot.
Not sure what Zuzu eats, but I have found food to be the culprit for people's cat allergies. Cat dander is a waste product, after all, and if she is eating Atta Cat, for example, which is primarily meat by-products (chunks of cow tossed in the "never eat this" bin) and a lot of crappy grains, Amy is most likely allergic to that, not so much the cat. Scott at Go Fetch (yes, they do cats too) is pretty helpful in guiding folks to good food options. It may take a little tweaking, but it is possible to reduce allergies through good food. A little flax or vegetable oil helps as well. People with the worst cat allergies have stayed in my 400 sq ft place without a problem and I have 2 cats.
My cats launched a needy revolt when I moved from 1200 to 400 sq ft. and it was totally maddening until I kicked them outside on leashes attached to a zip line and eventually built an outside cat pen. They were much happier after a few hours spent cruising around a bit, lazing in the grass on a sunny day, staring at birds, practicing their murdering without doing harm or being harmed themselves. I'd be happy to give some pointers on doing this on the cheap or totally free. This would provide Zuzu some stimulus, a bit of freedom, a chance to de-stress and you some peace to write.
Finally, "having accidents" is a notorious indicator that a cat ain't doin' right. It may not have anything to do with her urinary tract. I've seen more than one cat in early stages of renal failure and at least one with a heart problem that flagged the issue by using the entire house as a litterbox.A trip to the vet is in order, even if you do decide to re-home her.
As for your cat issue reflecting on your parenting skills, I'd have to say not so much. Cat psychology is warped and when it gets abnormal, look out.
Absolutely! A trip to the vet is in order. My cat who was about that age suffered from a type of intestinal cancer that caused vomiting and litterbox issues. These types of issues are almost ALWAYS of a medical nature. Please have her checked out before deciding if/when to re-home her.
Comment By Jill Kuraitis, 6-17-08Oh, cheez. This is an issue we confronted last year when RubyKat, only 12 years old and a really lovely, lazy, no-maintenance lapcat started pissing up the house and ultimately peed on our bare, $800 MATTRESS WHICH IS NOW IN A LANDFILL. We did the vet, the psychological stuff, you name it, we did it. After she had cost us about $2,000 in household stuff and cleaning bills, we had to give her the boot. There is a limit. But there is also guilt. Oh, cheez.
Comment By Greg Lemon, 6-17-08Aaron, I have a female lab and she's got a peeing problem that stems from being fixed prematurely. Now she's on doggy hormones that cost us about $20 every six months and the problem has essentially been cured. That and we make sure she pees about every two hours.
Comment By Sutton, 6-17-08Thanks for the input, folks. Ask the internet, and the internet provides...
Coincidentally, we just got back from the vet. An earlier trip had found a possible kidney problem, but tests for this show normal results once again. And yes, she does have a heart murmur, so that could be the problem.
Except... the real problem is that she can have problems, and those problems lead her to ruin stuff we can't easily afford to replace. Even if we fix the current situation, another one could come up, which could lead to the destruction of the next couch, and that possibility feels unacceptable, which I guess answers the question as to whether it's time to give Zuzu the boot.
Interesting thought about food being the source of the allergies, although I'd have to point out that Zuzu is a relatively hypoallergenic cat. We, too, have often hosted the cat-allergic with no ill effects on anyone except, well, the usual ill effect on Amy. Either way, I just don't think I can summon the fortitude to enter into some experimentation period to find the right food, not to mention the matter of affording it once we find it.
We haven't come to a decision yet, but man! the thought of no longer having a pet to worry about is an appealing one... tempered as it is by the thought of the crushing guilt of just casting the pet out...
Maybe I should just get drunk and think about it later. I wonder what the right beer is for avoiding thinking about divorcing your cat?
Kathryn, can you direct me to any on-line info about the food thing? I can't seem to find any mention of it on various cat/allergy resource pages.
Comment By Bob Wire, 6-17-08The right beer to drink to avoid thinking about your cat is tequila.
Comment By Craig Moore, 6-17-08Bob, do you use hairballs as olives in your cattini?
Comment By ES, 6-21-08Some wise person said: "Happiness is when the kids move out and the dog (or cat) dies. Good luck.
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