Down Home Economics: Valentine’s Day

By Guest Writer, 2-06-09

Everyone hates February. Not much sun. Cold and dreary.  Many of us think it should be cancelled.

Here, I’m about to cheer you up even more: The only holiday is Valentine’s Day, which honors a martyred saint who met a grisly end. Saint Valentine was beaten to death with clubs and beheaded on February 14TH 270 AD.  It’s also the anniversary of the Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre of 1929 in Chicago. Think Al Capone, Bugs Moran and Thompson submachine guns.  Some holiday.

Men hate Valentine’s Day because they think they have to get their sweethearts roses, candy and jewelry. It’s also payback time for Superbowl Sunday. There’s a lot of passive-aggressive pressure in the air. It also often involves an expensive dinner. Women aren’t always that enthused about Valentine’s Day either because it means they will probably have to have sex.

Mars or Venus, it can get incredibly expensive with all the cheesy high-pressure jewelry ads. “If you really loved her you’d buy her a big diamond, you shallow knuckleheaded no-good cheapskate.”

This year, unless you love pawn shops, diamonds may not be in the budget. So here are some down-home ideas to make it a bit more romantic and creative.

Here’s my favorite, from TheRomantic.com - If you buy your Valentine’s Day card now, you can send it to the postmaster of a romantically-named town and have it postmarked with love.

Buy the card, pre-address and stamp it and then put it in a larger envelope addressed to Postmaster Attn: Valentines—Loveland, Colorado (80537) or Valentine, Texas (79854) perhaps Loving, New Mexico (88256), Romance, Arkansas (72136) or my personal favorite, Kissimmee, Florida (32741). Loveland, Colorado even hand-stamps each card with a four line poem. If you can get it in the mail by the 7th, it should make it to your love in time for the big day.

Cook dinner together. Make it simple and fun. It is more about spending the time together than what you eat. Think comfort food.  It can be grilled cheese sandwiches, tomato soup from a can, champagne or Martinelli’s and a bag of Oreos eaten on a blanket on the living room floor. (You probably want to leave the dishes for morning….)

Nothing beats a bath for two and mutual foot massages….soooo relaxing. No one said it has to be a surprise, although candles around the tub give a girl a thrill. You can always plan what to do together ahead of time.

Most men hate to dance, but if it’s at home, you might be able to put on the music and coax him into dancing cheek-to-cheek.  Candlelight only, please.

I know a husband who makes confetti out of red paper and sprinkles a path to the bathtub….and a wife who hides notes in places he’ll find them, one at a time, all day. 

Guys, it really is the thought that counts, and not the last-minute rush to buy roses.  Ladies, go for, er, comfort and appreciation.

If you know what I mean.

Chris Kelly, a longtime Boise radio host, has been a journalist, fire warden, and assistant to the mayor of Norway.