My Father Died Today

By Irwin Horowitz, 3-12-09

My father died today.

The diagnosis of terminal cancer was made last summer.  His doctors gave him a prognosis of six to twelve months.  My family and I have had plenty of time to come to terms with his illness and to make the necessary preparations, both emotionally and logistically.  However, the finality of this moment is still overwhelming.

My father died today.

He chose not to seek any treatment, as the chemo would have left him miserable and had little chance of providing him with any additional quality of life.  He had already beaten cancer on five previous occasions, but realized that his time was coming to an end.

My father died today.

Last summer, his family and close friends gathered to celebrate his 80th birthday.  It was a festive event, despite knowing that it was likely his last.  Many of those in attendance were impressed by the atmosphere and the love that flowed towards my father on that day.

My father died today.

I visited my parents over the winter holidays.  My father had noticeably deteriorated over those three months and when I left shortly after the start of this year, I knew in my heart that I was saying goodbye to him for the final time.

My father died today.

I was at work this morning when my cell phone rang.  It was my older sister, informing me that “he’s gone.” After a brief discussion, we said “I love you” to each other and hung up.

My father died today.

My mom called me this evening and assured me that the end was quick and relatively painless, which is certainly a blessing.  My father’s greatest concern was having a painful, protracted final coda to his life.  At least he was spared that indignity.

My father died today.

Until recently he was at peace with his own mortality.  He had led a good life.  My parents had the opportunity to travel the world several times and to experience much.  He was a lifelong learner and a voracious reader. 

My father died today.

He owned several thousand books, from science fiction novels to some of the great works of human literature and science.  He subscribed to a broad range of magazines and kept current on the issues of the day and the critical thoughts of well written men and women.

My father died today.

My great interest in the world of science was instilled from his wide ranging knowledge and love of understanding this amazing universe in which we live.  My love for our beloved New York Yankees derives from his earliest days growing up in the shadow of the “house that Ruth built.”

My father died today.

Times like these are usually shared among family and close friends, and that was how we expected to deal with his passing.  Unfortunately, events beyond our control have made his passing far too public for our comfort.

My father died today.

The irony that Bernard Madoff pled guilty to 11 counts of fraud, perjury and money laundering on this day is beyond measure.  My father’s passing has become part of this great American tragedy.  He served as Mr. Madoff’s auditor for over three decades, before handing it off to my brother-in-law.  He never suspected the crime that was happening.

My father died today.

These last three months, since the Madoff scheme became public, have been a living nightmare for my entire family.  This has been especially true for my father, who had spent his entire life building up both a reputation for honesty and integrity as well as an investment nestegg that would provide for my parent’s retirement.  This reputation has suffered mightily simply from the association with Mr. Madoff.

My father died today.

My father was a good, decent, honorable man.  He instilled in my siblings and I these qualities and virtues and I am proud of him.  He will be missed by all those whose lives he touched.

Goodbye Dad.