A Trip to Feel the Feeling I Forgot
By Michael Pearlman, 3-15-09
Readjusting to the quiet life of Sheridan, Wyoming has consumed the better part of a week after an East Coast music vacation. Hampton, Virginia is not the kind of place I’d ever choose to vacation were it not for special circumstances. The return of Phish, a one-of-a-kind musical adventure that defies easy definition or explanation, qualifies as a special circumstance.
As a musical and cultural phenomenon, Phish is overlooked by much of America, looked down upon and dismissed by another segment and embraced and understood only by a small minority. Over the years I’ve struggled to explain the attraction and personal connection I feel to this quirky, emotionally-powerful band and its fanbase to friends and family who will can’t understand the attraction. Musically, Phish offers long songs with extended instrumental passages that often don’t translate well outside the live arena. But in concert, Phish is another beast entirely, a powerful experience that rewards the astute listener and well-schooled fan. As a vehicle I can use to analyze my life and connect with some of my closest friends, a Phish concert is unparalleled.
I was introduced to Phish back in 1992 by a friend who I traded Grateful Dead tapes with. I first experienced the band’s live power at a tiny bar in Southern California that held no more than 300 people. Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of watching them graduate to theaters and half-full amphitheaters, introduce new songs and explore different sounds and sonic textures. Three years after hearing guitarist Trey Anastasio dedicate a song to my friend Tom, who had given him a surfing lesson earlier in the day in Ventura, California, I was sitting in a sold-out Madison Square Garden, watching a foursome of rock gods mesmerize 20,000 people.
“We’re done.” Anastasio told the Phish faithful in 2004, his decision and playing clouded by an opiate addiction which eventually led to an arrest, rehab and sobriety. In October, the reunion was announced and tickets found their way into my hands through a friend who had become a father and couldn’t make the trip. On my flight into Virginia, I met a rumpled thirty-something fan who had traveled from Romania for the shows. After a four and a half year absence, demand for tickets for these three shows at the funky, general-admission Hampton Coliseum had inflated ticket prices to unheard of levels.
For myself and so many others, the weekend of Phish concerts was a family reunion. Not the family that you see every few years at a wedding and have little in common with, but the kind of family that shares your passion and understands the joy and bond created and shared through music. The friends who joined me for these concerts came from Chicago, New York and Philadelphia. Some of the enthusiastic fans standing next to me on the floor of the arena were still in diapers when I saw my first Phish show. Talking to a few younger fans on my way in, I was struck by the realization that I’d now become part of the older generation of fans who were respected merely for having seen the band in their prime. I don’t look at the crowd or the band with the eyes of a 22-year-old any more. But the feeling is still there and if my weekend of Phish reminded me of anything, it’s that I will go to my grave believing in the transformative power of the live music experience.
For three nights, my friends and I traveled back in time, reconnecting with a period when life was a little more carefree, before mortgages and children and high-pressure job deadlines. We caught up on each others’ lives, danced like no one was watching and smiled ear-to-ear, drinking in the sheer joy of it all. We were joined by thousands of other thirty-somethings, for whom a quirky, talented band plays an important role in their lives. There was the familiar cigarette and pot smoke, and the big round eyes and 10-mile stares of those who revel in powerful psychoactive substances. There was also the ever-present seedy element, low-level criminals selling nitrous oxide outside the venue. Police made around 200 drug arrests over the weekend, a small number considering official estimates of 75,000 people descended on the area for the shows.
Phish has announced a summer tour and a rumored return to the legendary Red Rocks amphitheater outside Denver is expected to be announced shortly. For many of us who eschew traditional religious devotion, a rock and roll concert can fulfill the role of church or temple– encouraging a communal explosion of joy and representing the spiritual, out-of-body experience so many Americans seek out. I didn’t come home with a poster or T-shirt from the shows, but I have the recordings and more importantly the memories and friendships, to be replayed and savored forever.
“Nothing I see can be taken from me.”
[End of article]you forgot to mention the hundreds of sober phans who danced their ass off into orbit purely on musical elation alone!
Comment By corey, 3-15-09They will be hard pressed to not have a overdose in the band this tour. You know they say once a junkie always a junkie. Trey probably is running out of veins they are folding over and chit. He is probably shooting it up between the toes now.
One thing is for certain you dont need heroin to make them sound good like Widespread. They are the worst and you need so much junk flowing just to make them sound decent. Phish you only need a 10 strip of acid and a 1/5 of Tequila and a 1/8 of weed then they sound decent. LULZ.
Nice words, Michael. I couldn't have written them better myself.
Josh
(1st show: 7/16/94 100th show: 3/8/09)
I agree with the whole story until the very end. I was one of those thirty somethings in the crowd dancing my ass off sober. I was not sober back in my twenties. But I do believe that simply because you love Phish does not mean you can't believe in the traditional religious devotion. A rock and roll concert can not fulfill the role of church or temple. A rock and roll concert can encourage a communal explosion of joy and connectedness with thousands of other like-minded people which is great. But for me it cannot compare to a spiritual, out-of-body experience with the Lord. In the end of my days I will know that what Phish does is a God given gift that has the ability to touch millions of people. Phish is a gift from God. And while I love to listen to Phish a see Phish shows I know there is a greater power out there.
Comment By Tracy, 3-16-09Absolutley wonderful editorial. We had an amazing weekend, caught up with so many old friends that we hadn't seen since the last shows, and made some great new friends. It was so apparent that the community is back. It was great to see everyone lining up by Noon each day, taking care of everyone in line...helping to make sure no one got cut in front of. The security people were beyone awesome....Bob D. and Kurt were a BLAST! Inside, everone was sharing water and helping out if someone wasn't doing too well. I loved being back in that environment and I cannot wait to see you all on summer tour! And I haven't even mentioned the music yet.....Phish is back and they mean business!! The shows were amazing and it was great to see the boys up there, playing their asses off and having fun doing it!
Comment By George Marino, 3-16-09Mike -
You are the King of Prose...thank you for the words that the rest of us can only imagine putting to paper.
George
I am jonesin' for my next mass! RR, The Gorge or Snow King '10.
Comment By Paul Johnson, 3-16-09Hey, this is the rumpled Romanian fan. I am 26 man!!! Jesus! I know that a blazer and 20+ hours of travel can put some years on a man but damn!
Comment By Johnny Thundersockeye, 4-04-09WOW! What ,aflood of emotions all y'alls perpectives are bringing to me!MIke you did an exceptional job of trying to express the emotions and sensory stimulation behind a phenomenon that is truly challenging to explain to those outside of the phreak phamily!IM vicariously happy that it sounds like you got some righteous doses of old school nuggets like "Divided Sky" and "Fluffhead" while grooving in Hampton!!
The only place I would disagree is as Joanna points out -Phish or even the Dead ,when Jerry was alive,cannot replace the awesome power and majesty of the Father Son Holy Spirit GOD ALMIGHTY!! and the churches who worshipChristianity rather than rock and hedonism.Please dont get me wrong I dont want to sound fanatical or preachy! It just makes me cringe when Jerry or Trey are idolized to some kind of supernatural status as like Joanna says they are merely men who have been incredibly blessed to act as conduits of intensely exhilerating soul stirring emotions through sound,which at their best are wonder-filled,joyous,sonic kisses from heaven and the light of Christianity!I know Jerry took really shitty care of his body but I often wonder if this over-idolization contributed to his rather premature demise!
While its sad but true that I have personally witnessed more true Christian principles in actual participatory practice at Dead shows than in some( espescially) Catholic Christian churches-the hypocritcal phony judgemental fundamenmtalists that again unfortunately turn so many people off to Jesus and the Truth of His love should not be a reason to entirely forsake the tradition and community support that such churches can and do ideally provide for many people including us widely scattered Christian hippies! GOOD article though over all!
And ,not that anybodys paying attention ,since im a little late in discovering this post ,but for what its worth-COREY MAN! chill down on the inaccurate,negative junkie shit!! Trey is not shooting up or probably doing any thing right now,and I doubt hell ever get in to junk again espescially if, as it sounds, hes found GOD!! Give the man a chance and ,brother ,for you own good you may want to tone down your own substance intake menu.You dont have to be a T-totaler,you know maybe a dose or two and some herb instead of a 10 strip,Tequila and smack!-even if Widespread doesnt do it for us !-I hear you there!!
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