Bob Wire Has a Point (It's Under His Cowboy Hat)
Is Ambien Right For You? Maybe, If You Need the Exercise
O, sweet Morpheus, why dost thou elude me? Jerk.
By Bob Wire, 1-04-10
“Doc, I can’t sleep.” With those four simple words, I was launched on a bizarre trip of paranoia, anticipation, fear and wonder.
“Still having trouble with that, Bob? Tell you what, I’m going to give you something called Ambien—you’ve probably seen it on TV. I’ll write you a prescription.” Dr. Nick pulled a glass thermometer from his shirt pocket and started to write. “Oh, hell,” he said, looking at the thermometer. “Some asshole’s got my pen.”
Yeah, I’d seen Ambien on TV. I’d also heard the stories. People took Ambien, and then the next thing they knew they were in the kitchen, fast asleep, cooking a cheese omelet with shallots and ham, or building a model of the Capitol out of toothpicks and spit. Or they were in the neighbor’s backyard, in their pajamas, digging a trench with a stolen backhoe. One guy was so out of it he actually drove his car to a 24-hour pharmacy and walked in, looking for some Tylenol P.M.
But Dr. Nick and I had been down this road, and nothing else had worked. He’d given me all kinds of stuff, with names like Drowzex™, SandManage™, Sliptenfel™, and something called Zipadeedodol™. Those might not have been the actual names, but hey, I was sleepy.
The pattern with any of those drugs was the same. I’d pop a couple pills and within a half hour, I’d be getting groggy. I’d crawl into the fart sack and fall asleep pretty quickly. Then after about three hours, my eyes would snap open like a couple of window shades, and I’d be awake, thinking about dumb stuff like our mortgage rate or a new wart on my foot, until my alarm clock went off at 6:00.
Occasionally I’d try to enlist Barb’s help. “Hey, honey, you awake?” I’d give her a couple of pokes.
“I’m too tired,” she’d mumble, and put a pillow between us. Blocked. So I’d take matters into my own hand, but still sleep would elude me. Only now I’d also want a sandwich and a couple of beers.
So I was eager to try the Ambien. I had Barb hide the car keys, and I put all my shoes in the bathtub. I shook one of the pills out of the bottle. They’re about the size of a grain of rice. How can these things be so powerful? They are so tiny, I figured I’d better take two. I washed them down with a glass of red wine just to give them a little head start.
Within about 15 minutes, I started to see things moving out of the corner of my eyes. I’d quickly look to the side, but nothing was there. Weird. Peripheral gremlins. Then when I stood up to get a glass of water from the kitchen, the floor began to tilt like I was on the deck of the Titanic. I started to have trouble pointing my eyes to things I wanted to see. Walking through the house, I was bumping into doorways and weaving like a bourbon enthusiast.
My tongue felt like it was wearing a wetsuit. “Honah, Imma goah beeeba humma,” I said to Barb, who was on the couch, reading. “Zee hue wunna mum mooooOOO…” I added.
“Okay, babe. I’ll be in soon,” she said, not looking up from her book. I made my way down the hall, keeping one hand on the wall to help me stay upright. I spilled about half the water by the time I got to my room, and carefully set the glass on my dresser. It fell off, spilling the rest. I fell over three times trying to take my pants off, hitting my head on the closet door. “Owlooh…,” I said, grabbing my elbow.
My eyeballs were turning independently in their sockets like a chameleon, and my knees felt like they were filled with sponge cake. I hung onto the bed and worked my way around to my side. I pulled down the covers and burrowed in. I adjusted my pillow, took a deep breath, and closed my eyes. And then…
I woke up. I looked over at the clock. 6:00. What the…? It had been eight hours, almost to the minute. How did they do that? I got out of bed. My eyes were focused and moving in tandem. My knees felt like they were filled with, well, ligaments and kneecaps. I felt awake and lucid. I was rested and refreshed. Damn, this Ambien was too good to be true. And Dr. Nick had told me it wasn’t habit-forming, as long as I took it every day.
I walked down the hall, whistling a tune, looking forward to my first cup of coffee. As I passed the dining room, I did a double take. There, on the dining room table, was a complete Thanksgiving dinner.
Well, that explained why I smelled like giblet gravy.
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I was on Ambien for several years due to an ex-wife. I’ve often wondered if the Ambien defense would hold up in a murder trial.
Then it was sleep apnea....they gave me the equitant of an iron lung that you strap to your face to get that slobbering Labrador head out the car window at seventy feeling. Plus, nothing says “lets make sweet, sweet love tonight” like a WWI era gas mask.
I finally diagnosed my sleep issues by myself. I'm fat, I'm middle aged, and I don't really work hard enough during the day to justify 8 hours of sleep.
Tried that stuff once. Felt like I was hovering two inches over the bed all night and that there were bats in the sock drawer.
Comment By mae robles, 1-21-10Maybe ambien is really not for everyone. But its up to us how we take this medicine properly. If we're taking it wrong, you'd definitely experience bad side effects. Ambien had been very effective to. Nothing harm happened to me and its because I followed the right prescription of my doctor.
Comment By lyka knuttel, 1-21-10Ambien is classified as a hypnotic, so of course you are going to be drowsy and experience mild distortions in time, space and certain realities...but nothing scary like that from actual hallucinogens...If people don't take the time to read and teach themselves about the chemicals they put into their own or their children bodies, they shouldn't get upset or scared or mad about what they experience.
medsheaven.com
This is wild. I do not know why your doctor told you that it was not habit forming. There are many people who are fighting an Ambien addiction. Be careful and be sure to look for addiction signs.
http://www.ambien-addiction-treatment.com/
Yes! Its up to us how we take this medicine properly. If you take Ambien the way it was prescribed you wont have any of the bizarre symptoms. I don't take more than prescribed, I don't take it with alcohol, and I certainly don't take it unless I know I want to fall asleep within the next hour. Do not take the medication in larger amounts, or take it for longer than recommended by your doctor. Follow the directions on your prescription label or search it in internet at medsheaven.com for more information.
Comment By allyzasantos, 1-26-10I decided to purchase my medications at medsheaven.com. I tried Ambien once and now I can declare that I've become your constant customer. You have an excellent service so keep up your outstanding work!
Comment By clarrizaflores, 1-26-10Upon trying Ambien I have found that I can now enjoy a regular sleep schedule when I want to. Just take it exactly as it was prescribed for you. Thank you for this great product and to medsheaven.com for excellent service.
Comment By lei, 1-27-10I'm a workaholic mom but my problem starts when my head aches and i cannot sleep at night.It's been 3 months when i consult my doctor about this problem. He said i need rest and take this medicine called "ambien". He also prefered me where can i order this medicine, to a website "medsheaven.com. For me it's an effective medicine when i use it as my doctor say so.
Comment By faith, 1-27-10My cousin had an insomnia for more than 1 and a half years. She always tells me she cannot do her job that good because her head aches caused by her insomnia. I feel sad to her condition but what can i do?. I ask her if she had consulted her doctor but she said the medication given by her doctor cannot ease the pain that she feels. So i tell her to have another opinion. Dra. Hernandez,her new doctor,prefered her to medsheaven.com to order ambien. Ambien was the medicine that the doctor prescribed to her. After a week she told me that she feels much better than before. and she was thankful that she knew this medicine who helps to ease her pain. As she said, it was effective and it has no harmful effects to her. I believed her because i've seen what's new to her now.
Comment By wild_flower, 1-27-10I've been experiencing insomnia for about 3 months. And it has been worst day by day having ambien for my medication makes my pain lessen.
Comment By ashley, 1-27-10Ambien it's more effective in a short term. Use it with the right prescription of the doctor. Take the right dosage ambien to avoid it side effects. Be discipline while taking ambien.
Comment By joseph26, 1-27-10Ambien is a medicine for insomnia. Using it too much can cause its side effects. While taking this medicine be sure you follow the doctors prescription rightly
Comment By astigy, 1-27-10College days, i've been taking this medicine called "AMBIEN ", it was prefered by a friend from medsheaven.com. Some say once you were into this drug you've been addicted to it but from my experience taking ambien i can say that it was effective and nothing was happening to me. With the right usage of it i can avoid the said things "side effects" of it although i can tell that i'm more into eating foods. For me it's good and effective to be use with the right prescription of the doctor.
Comment By valerie, 1-27-10I have used Ambien for many times. It is very safe and effective. It really helps me get a full and restful night’s sleep.I ordered this at medsheaven.
Comment By eeyore, 1-27-10I have severe chronic insomnia and only Ambien helps me get a full nights sleep. I sleep through the night soundly and peacefully.You can buy this drug online which is medsheaven.com.
Comment By DavidRussel, 1-27-10I love Ambien - it slows my racing, worried mind and lets me sleep through the night. I just take 5 mg tablet and that works great. I am a Type 1 diabetic for 43 years, and notice no side effects.I ordered Ambien at Medsheaven.
Comment By asia, 1-28-10i've been feeling bad every morning, my head aches because of my insomnia. But i'm relieved now because of ambien. It helps to ease the pain that i have been feeling. thanks medsheaven.
Comment By carl, 1-28-10I enjoy to go out with my friends everynight but since my doctor discover that i have an insomnia, my happy night out were gone. I'm grateful because i've seen medsheaven.com,the website where can i order AMBIEN. Now feel much better although my night outs turn into less parties.
Comment By ruthless, 1-28-10ambien is good for who have suffering insomnia, this medicine helps you sleep well..So try it now
Comment By jomell, 1-28-10If you want to know about the ambien just visit there website in http://www.medsheaven.com..its really works, so who have suffering insonia try ambien your problem will solve it
Comment By daisy, 1-28-10Bad nights for me, i cannot sleep right,. 1-6am i'm still awake. My body want to sleep but my mind are not ready.hmmmmm,. what the heck was happening?. Early in the morning i consult my doctor for this problem. He prescribed me AMBIEN for my medication.10mg 1 hour before i sleep.I search in the internet where can i find this medicine then i saw medsheaven.com.i order in this site. I try it for almost a month.And all i can say is it's effective for me.I'm thankful because i can do my job now and my household chores.
Comment By Isaiah rai, 1-28-10it is almost a year i suffer insomnia. but my friends tells about the online pharmacy medsheaven.com, and i pound ambien. it almost a month i taking ambien. my problem to my insomnia solve it is very effective.... i sure you it works!
Comment By jhunnell, 1-28-10Ambien is goog for medication. so take it as the doctor recommend. dont make your self overdoses it will caues you side effects...
Comment By dominguez!!!, 1-28-10it nice to know that we have ambien to our medicine.. so those who suffering insomnia try this medicine.. or visit there website in medsheaven.com
Comment By lovely, 2-01-10i'm a certified user of ambien from medsheaven and for me, it is effective and safe to be taken. of course, with proper usage of it. i have a happy life now. thanks ambien. a medicine that treats insomnia.
Comment By mishil0214, 2-01-10ambien is effective to be used when you take it properly. like me, i am a satisfied user of ambien. it is amazing. it treats my insomnia. grateful that i found this site http://www.medsheaven.com.
Comment By caring mom, 2-01-10ambien really rocks my insomnia world. it is effective and safe to be taken. medsheaven.com really have an amazing products. thanks that i found it.
Comment By dianne, 2-01-10i have a great time with my friends because of ambien. it has a very effective result. nice that i found it.
Comment By nika, 2-01-10ambien is really good for my insomnia. now i have a better days ahead. love this.
Comment By dhapne, 2-02-10ambien is really great.. i;m been using it since i have insomnia. it is very effective and no side effects are occuring to me..great products medsheaven.com.
Comment By joaquin, 2-02-10like the others i'm an active user of ambien too. i'm grateful because i used this drug for my insomnia.
Comment By bhaby, 2-02-10nice ambien, you've been doing great. love its effectiveness in my insomnia.
Comment By marky, 2-02-10i love ambien. it treats my insomnia very well.
Comment By rampec18, 2-03-10me too marky, my insomia kills me everyday. and when i decided to order ambiem at http://www.medsheaven.com my insomnia done.ambiem is my savior.
Comment By sugar, 2-24-10I also bought from medsheaven.com before and I highly recommend them, their medicines are authentic, medsheaven is the best online pharmacy
Comment By frankdavis, 2-26-10Ambien Without a Prescription http://www.allcheappills.org
Service and quality are very good. I have recieved the order. It arrived barely a week after I placed it
Holy shit, I should have entitled this column "Calling All Spambots!"
Comment By Stizz, 6-20-11haha Bob your right after reading a few comments I was like Wtf is going on here, i have this sudden urge to go to medheavn and buy my ambien there. I sure wish you could recall how you went about making the damn turkey dinner without your wife flipping out...and calling a got damn insane asylum. or as Raoul Duke would say finish the story got dammit haha
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