88 Fingers Orrin

By Randy Harward, 5-23-06

I still can't get over this photo of Orrin Hatch with mafioso-turned-Mormon penitente Mario Facione (author of From Mafia to Mormon). The hilarity, naturally, comes from juxtaposing the picture of morality with a guy who may or may not have whacked a few guys in his day. Then again, not to invoke talk of the Mormon Mafia or the Danites, it's almost like Facione just used his free agency to switch teams. After all, there are parallels between both the LDS Church and organized crime. (I'll pause to give the knee-jerks time to compose hate mail.)

Of course, I'm referring to the secrecy, the cliquiness, the notion of rank (does becoming a General Authority* mean you're "made?") and of course the warm, glow of fellowship. The Church is definitely a step-up: no whacking (of yourself or others), zero-interest loans, the skim cap (limited to 10%). But there are always drawbacks: Donny Osmond instead of Frank Sinatra, American Bush instead of the Bada-Bing!, no betting on the BYU Cougars.

Do you think if Mario has given Orrin a mob nickname yet? How about 88 Fingers Orrin? Hatchione? Ah...seems like there should be better ones. Readers: whatcha got?

*Facione, as far as I know, is not one. [End of article]