Bob Wire Has a Point (It's Under His Cowboy Hat)
Best of Missoula: Here Are Your Corrections, Pt. 1
Gee, I hope they have a "Best Backlash" category next year!By Bob Wire, 7-10-09
 |
|
 | |
| "Is that what I think it is?" | |
|
My favorite issue of the Missoula Independent just came out: the Best of Missoula edition. As usual, I was fascinated by the voters’ choices. Some were right on the money, others were curiously, almost suspiciously wrong. And as usual, my reactions ranged from elation to fury. In this column, I will attempt to tell you, the Missoula voters, where you got it dead right and where you screwed the pooch.
1. Best TV Personality
Once again, voters chose Jill Valley. Ho hum. I like Jill, but have I ever seen her at a Bob Wire show? No. Not once. Therefore, my pick for Best TV Personality is Mark Heyka.
2. Best Bar
The Badlander is the best bar? You blew it, Missoula. Trendiest, maybe. But what makes a good BAR? It’s a comfortable, unassuming place you can stop off for a beer or two on the way home from work. And it’s a place where you can meet up with some friends to shoot some pool or have some food and drink while you catch a ball game on TV. You don’t need 38 wide-screen plasma screens the size of a garage door. You don’t need a six-page menu that takes a half hour to decipher. You don’t need a touch-screen internet jukebox that will drown out all conversation while some numb nuts plays the same Weezer song nine times in a row. You don’t need slow-motion bartenders who act put-upon every time you order a drink.
You need the Mo Club. Period.
3. Best Place for Pet Supplies
PetSmart? Come on, Missoula. I think a lot of you are missing the point on this whole survey. It’s not the Biggest Store, or which store can Hold The Most People. The subtext of “Best of Missoula” is “What is the most MISSOULA thing in this category.” Voting for PetSmart is like saying McDonald’s has the best hamburger. It’s the Best of Missoula, not the Best of (Your Town Here).
The best, highest quality, most unique and most Missoula pet supply store (and I know a lot of you agree) is GoFetch! You see their buses all over town; they’re picking up dozens of dogs daily and taking them for a run in the hills. They offer grooming and training (like PetSmart), but they are fully home-grown and locally owned. I go there for the dried bull penis dog treats. I love to watch Houdini gnawing on one while I laugh my ass off and point. Dumb bastard.
4. Best Local Sports Figure
Sorry, Griz Nation, but Monte is not a sports figure. He’s a marketing tool. Nothing against the UM mascot, but the Indy should cut the crap and rename this category Best Local Athlete.
This year it’s Mandy Morales, the most talented and electrifying Lady Griz basketball player since Shannon Cate. Or how about Dan Carpenter, who went directly from Griz Stadium to Dolphins Stadium, where he enjoyed a banner rookie year? Or how about Lex Hilliard, who was signed to the Dolphins practice squad ? Or ex-Griz center J.D. Quinn, who was signed by the Dolphins after a two-day tryout this summer? See, there are all kinds of possibilities in this category.
5. Best Dancer
What? Not Dancing Guy or Dancing Girl? WTF? The fix is in.
6. Best Bartender
Now this selection is a sticky subject, because Missoula got it both right and wrong. Al Pils could have justifiably been named in several categories like Best Actor, Best Local News Outlet, Best Local Character, Best Artist (his very Alness is an art), Best Raconteur, and Best Place to Have Lunch Alone.
Is he the best tap jockey around when it’s time to quaff some of that fine, fine Kettlehouse brew? No question. That’s where the voters nailed it. Big Al, you know I love ya, buddy, but for my money a bartender is one who mixes cocktails in addition to drawing beers. Ah, hell —I’m willing to let semantics go by the wayside because Al, you put the ‘ula’ in Missoula.
7. Best Place to Hook Up
Stockman’s Bar. Wow. Thanks, voters for letting us know where the skank pool is.
8. Best Financial Institution
Missoula Federal Credit Union? Sure, if you live downtown. But if you don’t, they are the most inconvenient of places to stash your lettuce. Of course, there’s the big branch at Brooks and Stephens…oh wait, that’s closed. Okay, you can drive way out by Kmart. Oh wait, that’s currently buried under a mountain of rubble during more construction. Okay, there’s the newest branch, conveniently located on Russell St. But when you go in, you have to talk to your teller via closed circuit TV, like she’s visiting you in prison.
When I write ‘MFCU’ on my loan payment check each month, I bet you can guess what I’m thinking.
9. Best Lawyer
Right now I would say that it’s the one who I’m going to have to hire after this column comes out.
[Watch for Part 2 of this stinging exposé next week at NewWest.net/BobWire.]
Stumble It!
Like this story? Get more! Sign up for our free newsletters.
Comments
You'd do well to look up Mike Royko and read some of his columns before your next effort...
That 'suspicious' comment wasn't directed at the Indy; I have no doubts about their integrity.
What skews this popularity contest is the people and businesses who lobby for votes. I've heard of sandwich shops giving out ballots with each order, etc. But that's human nature, I guess. If you have to ask people to vote for you, it diminishes the value of the poll.
Sometimes a bit of honest truth goes a long way. Lovey dovie feel good all the time starts to stink after a while. How about a 'Worst of Missoula?'
1) Worst traffic light/intersection
2) Worst bureaucrat (I know it would be hard to pick just one)
3) Worst used car salesman
Anyone want to add to the list? Is it libelous if its true?
best non-retired blogger in the locally useful category...J-girl!
best montana blog all around...the Button Valley Bugle!
best conservative blog......electric city!
best retired blogger and present journalist...ed kemmis!
Been there, wrote that:
http://www.newwest.net/city/article/one_hundred_okay_50_things_i_hate_about_missoula/C8/L8/
And your point is...?
Got to http://www.squawkmissoula.com and get started on some "worst of" topics for people to vote on. I'd join in.
It rankles me that the Indy never once mentions how many responses the poll results are based on.
That being said, you got it right that it is most definitely not a scientific poll. Nor does it claim to be. It's a mirror of how Missoula is changing, viewed through the prism of the Independent's readership.
Just compare the winners of the Indy's Best of Missoula poll with the Missoulian's version. The Missioulian readers' choices reflect the difference in their readership—they tend toward a much more conservative, mainstream, older and less adventurous crowd, judging by the winners of that poll.
<a >Buy WoW Gold</a>
BUT....
I always enjoy reading what you think!!
HOPE speaker doesn't keep you up all night with all the party girls!