Big Brother is On the Street and His Name is Cop

By Alan Kleinfeld, 12-05-06

I got a speeding ticket the other day. I was informed that I was going 45 miles per hour in a 30 mph zone. Laser detection rather than radar was used in determining my speed. The name of the officer who issued the ticket is Michael Callahan. I wish I could tell you what officer Callahan looks like or that I got his name off of his badge on his uniform. But I’ve never actually seen him. He never even pulled me over.

The dang ticket came to me in the mail. I didn’t even get to see the face of my accuser. George Orwell is rolling over in his grave.

I called to speak to the officer, but talked to a man in charge of the automated citations. He says that the city has purchased two new vans equipped with state of the art laser systems. An actual officer drives one of the vans to a nice spot in which to zap speeders and as soon as one is nabbed, wonderful technology takes over.

From what I gather, once the camera and laser zaps you speeding, your license plate number (which ultimately reveals your name and address) is all magically sent to a company outside of New Mexico and the citation process is done automatically in a matter of minutes.

Actually, it sounds as if real human cops in Albuquerque have no involvement other than driving the new vans. Once the photo is snapped, there’s no stopping that citation. Even city bus drivers and other employees as well as police have been zinged and, according to the fellow I talked to, everyone has to cough up the fee. Even his captain had to pay the violation once, so he tells me. Sounds like a huge case of Guilty-Until-Proven-Innocent.

My violation cost $150. About $100 of that goes to the wonderful Duke City and the OTHER $50 goes to the company that processes the citation as payment for a job well done.

You can opt to contest it via US Postal, but that requires either lying about who was driving your car or spending who knows how much time from your life to go to court, where the photo of you violating the law will be presented.

If you decide to take the easy (yet expensive) way out, you can even pay your citation online. In some cases, you can even view a video of you breaking the law. For my speeding ticket, video wasn’t available (but then I had the photo from the citation I got in the mail. What a wonderful souvenir).

I can’t help but feel as if I was spied on. As if I were Julia Roberts and some trashy paparazzi snapped me in my swimming suit, pale skin blotchy without a hint of makeup. I wish I could say that in a place so car-crazy like here, I can be convinced of the need. But spying on us and then having a ghost issue us a ticket in our mailbox is a bit too unjust for me.

I’m even more convinced it’s a money making scam (in a place already scammed to the hilt) because not only does the citation not go to my insurance company (thank gawd!), but it doesn’t even go to Motor Vehicle Division. It’s as if APD has been lobbied by a faceless entity with a closed-door deal: Let us charge your citizenry an exorbitant amount for their minor transgressions and no one needs to know about it. What? Did they hire Jack Abramoff to outline the deal?

I suppose I’m happy my insurance rates didn’t go up or that my driving record didn’t get a black mark, but I can’t help think that had I had the chance to face my accuser I would have been able to add a human element to it. Sometimes just being honest (Sorry officer, I didn’t realize I was going so fast. I really didn’t!) works best.

As for me, I’ll be looking in my rearview mirror not for flashing red and blue police lights, but rather a simple flash bulb.

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