Bob Wire Has a Point (It's Under His Cowboy Hat)
Cell Phone Novel: Wass^ Wit Dat?
By Bob Wire, 9-02-08
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| First post-surgery gig. Should be interesting... | |
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Typing one-handed sucks. I’m used to getting words onto paper (all right, bits onto a hard drive) almost as fast as I can think, so this snail-paced communication is extremely maddening. It’s like washing your car with a toothbrush. (I actually did that this summer, by the way. I’d lost a bet with Rusty. I got him back, though—I used his toothbrush.)
I was sitting in the recliner this weekend, goofing around with my cell phone, and I realized that I can probably text faster than I can type. So while my frozen egg rolls were cooking, I stretched out to full recline and wrote a novel on my phone. Here’s the prologue:
~~~~~X~~~~~X~~~~~X~~~~~
It wuz js b4 sunriz wn Nor10 fnd th boD. He cld tel it wuz a wmn, bt hr fac wuz obskrd & he cldnt C it. WTF, he tht, I dnt hv tm 4 ths sht. Ths wuz 2b hs 1st day @ th nu dept of crmnl 4Nsics 4 th LAPD. Nor10 wuz cmng nto th jb w/tons of bgj. Nt nly wuz hs fthr a wl-non & rspctd crEr cop, bt hs rtrmnt 3 mos ago sgnfd a psng f th trch 2 Nor10, a shft 2 th yngr gen. Xtra prssur ws th lst thng he ndd rt now, as he wuz rt n th mdl f n xcruti8tng d4c frm hs she-dvl f a wif, 9a. Thyd bn mrrd nly 2 yrs, & th 6 ws spctclr. Bt hr volatl 10per hd pushd Nor10 2 th brnk f Ns&ity.
& now ths. Stmbln acrs a ded boD on hs AM jog. Nor10 cdnt B L8 4 hs 1st day @ wrk, 4COL. He opnd hs fon & dld 911 & gv thm th 411. Thn he gt th fk out f thr.
~~~X~~~X~~~
“Nor10 niz uv U 2 drp by” sd Lt S6 wn Nor10 Ntrd th ofc. “Ur l8. Not gd 4 ur 1st day n th jb.” Nor10 lkt @ th wal clok. It wuz 3 min aftr 8. S6 h8td Nor10 bkz he flt lk Nor10 hd Nfrly lpfrgd hm 4 th nu jb. He wuz dtrmnd 2 mk lif msrbl 4 th nu 4Nsic tek.
“N E wrd n tht boD yt?” Nor10 Xd wl he hng hs jkt n th bk f hs chr, ignrng S6s cmnt.
“Wr stl w8tng 2 ID th stif” sd cp10 Cruz, Nor10s nu prtnr. “Ill ck w/homcid l8r.”
Nor10 ckd hs msgs & grbd a cup f cofE. “Il brb. Im gon 2 tk my shuz 4 a wlk,” he sd 2 th rum. He put on hs jkt & pld th dor sht behnd hm, ignrng S6s Nsultz.
~~~X~~~X~~~
LA n th rlE AM ws blisfly free f smg & Nor10 sat on a prk bnch nr Angls Flt, lkng acrs th Pcfc 2 Snta Catlna ilnd, thnkg abt th tm he & 9a rntd a slbot & spnt a lng wknd floting aimlsly arnd th ilnd, drnkg rd win & mkg luv. Hs hrt 8 @ hm frm insd, S he tryd 2 figr out wt wnt wrng btwn thm. It hd strtd out gr8, wn thy met @ hr sistrs wdng lmst 3 yrs ago. Thy hit it off rt awy, & wr mrd w/in 4 mos. Thy hd so mch 6 he cld brly kep skin on hs dik. MaB he shudv takn th tm 2 gt 2 no hr btr, he tht, sipng hs culng cofE. He hd bn thru ths 100 tms n hs hed, bt stl cldnt fnd a stsfyng Nsr. Hs fon vbr8d, jrkng hm out of hs rvrE.
“Nor10,” he sd n2 th fn.
“Wr R U?” Xd Cruz.
“Im nt 2 4 awy. Wass^”
“Hmcid IDd th boD,” sd Cruz. Silnc.
“Wl, dnt kp me n suspns, hu s it?”
“Its ur wif. Its 9a.”
:’(
~~~X~~~X~~~
[This may not win an Edgar award, but click back to NewWest.net/BobWire early and often for the latest claptrap from Missoula’s favorite honky. I mean honky tonker.]
http://www.top-blogs.com/cgi-bin/rankem.cgi?id=ednor59
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Comments
Trying to think up a good porn star name for yourself? Here\'s a helpful tip...
1) Make your first name the name of a favorite pet
2) Your last name should be the name of a street you lived on as a kid.
Bestest wishes,
Captain Lou Diamond
<a >meckmeck proxy server</a>.
Thanks and greetings from Benin,
Robert
Keep up the good writing!
From Park City, UT
Stan