Taming of the Zoo
Dating Sober: 30 Days of Milk, Bubbly Water and Diet Coke
By HonkeyCat, 4-27-09
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| Yes, that is a very nice 2007 Yellowtail Merlot being gurgled out of a water bottle. | |
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His name was Nate. A tall, blonde river guide who danced me silly at the Slop Hat. A strong jawline drew me in and the tequila and orange juice held me there till closing. He was the classic, New Zealand good luck charm and hoodie wearing type of outdoorsman. I rode his bike and he ran in his Tevas next to me the five blocks back to my house.
The screen door slammed behind us and I remember trying to think if I had stashed any secret beers anywhere. I was quickly snapped out of my thoughts.
“God I love your boobs.”
We left a clumsy trail of shoes and sweatshirts into my bedroom.
“Uggffh!” My head smacked against the hard white wall and I felt the entire night from Beltian Whites to Crown Royal tidal wave over the parts of my brain that were still intact. Then there was darkness and an Elton John ringtone.
I woke up at noon the next day alone and wondering who owned the supped up sub-woofers. I realized that the pounding beats were actually coming from inside my head and that I had missed the first day of digging for 1,000 New Gardens, a Missoula volunteer group that I had signed up with at a table in the UC. I had really been looking forward to planting new strawberry and rhubarb plants. Damn. I felt sick.
I also was supposed to go for a run, scrub the rings out of my bathtub and start a paper on great felt paintings of the 20th century. The day instead was lost to Advil, episodes of Hell’s Kitchen and a two hour long brunch of chicken quesadillas at the Old Post.
I knew it had to change. I have things I want to do with my life; write a screenplay, get in shape, order more contacts and learn how to make eggplant parmesan. More than that I was losing half of my weekend to nursing headaches and rehydrating my alcohol parched body. The only things I could expect from continuing to swim in this current of beer, whine and whiskey four nights a week were more black-outs and horny college guys feeling up my tits.
I’ve decided not to drink for 30 days and just see what happens. I even wrote up a very official statement which I had my trusty roommate sign as a very official witness. It says, “I do not want to drink for 30 days. I will resume drinking on May 24th, 2009.”
I don’t know if a piece of paper can stand between me and a tall can PBR but I sure as hell am going to try.
My first challenge: A friend’s 29th birthday party at Scotty’s Table on Thursday, complete with B.Y.O.B. and plenty of pressure from the gang of winos I call friends.
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Comments
As a drinking man with a guitar problem, I can tell you from experience that the bottle can be a friend or a formidable opponent. I applaud your ability to recognize the need to throttle back.
'm not naive or pure or even boring enough to suggest that abstinence works or that modern folks in missoula are going to tie themselves down to only 1 or 2 lovers for the years they usually end up being here ,but at least try and get to know some body enough to be assured that at least an inkling of some sort of mutual respect and care or fondness or even some sort of love exists before you give a guy the greatest gift you can give him!
I say this not to be judgemental ,but because quite simply I am a HYPERHETEROSEXUAL MAN WHO LOVES WOMEN!!!Even when I am not the lucky bastard getting to make love to them-I still like to see women honored and cherished rather than disposed of like some used up refuse!
This reminds me of a conversation I had years ago,with a young girl when she asked me if I thought it was alright to have sex with a guy she had just met at the Lumberjack bar-and of course I gave her a look -but its bothered me ever since that I did not verbalize strongly enough how much I felt she was harming herself,since I care DEEPLY! about her as a friend,though she unfortunately does not in any way seem to embrace ,understand or value that truth and it's haunted me to picture her waking up next to all sorts of men who aren't worthy of being her lover ever since!
You said you woke up alone without him to help you nurse your hangover-Is that what you want your whole life? Even if you anwer yes now -I doubt you really mean it since every one wants to be loved even if there scared shitless of commitment and being tied down!
Please dont take me the wrong way ,though you probably will!It's just that you really seem to be trivializing very casual,drunk and loveless sex-and that can be very dangerous to your mind ,emotions,heart and body! If your really that shameless and hard hearted about casual sex ,you might as well just get in to porn since its essentially the same thing ,just with cameras.Your generation really needs to bring some kindness and intimacy back in to sexuality-and the women need to realize that its not neccesarily empowering and emancipating to nudge those numbers up in to the double and even triple digits when tallying the number of penises(literally and metaphorically)youve given your greatest gift to!!
Keep drinking and you'll look years older than your true age. It's not a pretty sight.
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Actually I totally agree with you, porn isn't sexy because there isn't any sex in it, it's pure junk for the genitals, which is usually the category that casual encounters fall into as well.
Yes, I am making light of my situation, which is maybe trivializing it, but you've got to start somewhere, right? Who are we if we can't laugh at our mistakes. Of course, I've been playing the jester for awhile now, so this is what this sobriety thing is all about. Thanks for the comment though, I appreciate it.
HonkeyCat
Sex can be such a wonderful gift ,when 2 people really click and have chemistry,grooving together with passionate energy exhange-thats truly what makes life wonderful and worth living.As an unconventional ,very liberal Christian sexuality is something I struggle to understand and keeping the reigns on my own primal lust is sometimes excruciatingly difficult!! -but I do believe GOD wants us to enjoy sex ,even without legal commitment papers,but only in the context of love and mutual respect,not from a selfish give me my own pleasure context-thats when it becomes evil.
I may sound corny but I am blessed to know that the most mind-blowing spectacular sex will only occur after 2 people become cosmically coordinated to one another through the heart and mind as well as the genitals-and it doesnt need to be years ,maybe just a few dates or interactions you can usually tell.HonkeyCat I really admire your attitude in all this with both booze and sex,your taking responsibility and approaching these difficult struggles with grace,honesty and maturity and for that you should be highly COMMENDED!!! It's got to be hard to publicly bear ur soul and personal lfe this way.You are well on ur way to the palace of WISDOM!!!