The Dog Blog with Kathryn Socie
Dog as Placeholder
By Kathryn Socie, 6-15-08
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If you have a dog, chances are you’ve heard it. It comes out in a dozen different ways, but the meaning is always the same. In fact, the other night I passed a couple on the trail who, after my dogs politely moved out of the way and sat to allow them to pass, one of them exclaimed: “You are so ready to raise children after raising those two angels.” While I recognize the sentiment is meant to compliment my subtly displayed maternal nature, I’m not so sure my dog caretaking skills are a direct reflection on my ability to parent.
I can’t imagine these people are implying that it’s acceptable for me to put my kid out in the backyard at night when he’s got diarrhea while I head back to bed, or that sticking a child in a crate during the day after a walk and bowl of kibble is totally kosher, or that running my kid next to my bike for hours is swell in their book. Seems any of these “parenting” actions should prompt a phone call to child protective services, making my case; the leap from dog to kid is a large, scary, expanse.
Sure my dogs whine and drive me crazy, not at all unlike children do to parents, but when I get maxed out, I just toss the dogs in the house shut the door and head out for cocktails. I have sleepless nights occasionally from restless dogs (often due to something rank making it down the gullet and upsetting their delicate intestinal flora), but I’ve never found myself driving long distances with a non-stop barking mutt, trying desperately to get her to squeeze in just a few minutes of shut-eye. My dogs behave badly now and again, making heads shake and fingers wag in my direction, but this is nothing compared to the poor soul attempting to lift a screaming, crying child in dead weight repose from the floor of the grocery store in the climax of a total melt.
Parenting is incredibly hard work that happens at a non-stop 24-hour 7 day-a-week pace. Holidays are about jam-packed activities and gone are slow weekend mornings. From my standpoint, it appears, children own their parents (which, I am told is some sort of wonderful gift), whereas I own my dogs. Dogs are comparatively easy. My dogs happily go anywhere with me and do most things at my pace. Taking care of a dog is certainly a huge responsibility and requires a large commitment, but it bears merely a distant, foggy, far-off resemblance to child rearing.
For the record, I have dogs, not “furry kids,” or “puppy babies” or any such iteration of “dog as place holder for child” that folks regularly toss out at me, and countless others I’m sure. I’m deeply emotionally connected to my dogs and absolutely love them, but I have to think that there is some different entity involved in a parent-child relationship. The relationships are similar, definitely, but the two are not completely overlapping. And I wholly appreciate them both for their uniqueness.
I could be wrong, however, and if so, I am totally ready to be a mom. Top on my list for the baby shower: a clicker, a lifetime supply of hot dogs, and a shock collar.
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Comments
I think they probably were speaking of what they perceived to be an ability to deal with your charges consistently--and with some degree of responsibility.
Would that we were in fact capable of raising our children as well as we can train our dogs.
There would probably be fewer psychiatrists cluttering up our yellow pages...
But - having raised kids and dogs - there are two crucial skills you learn from parenting dogs that directly translate, and, besides unconditional love, they are pretty much the key to good parenting: firm friendly boundaries and consistency. Also, dogs and children thrive on security and routine, under strong but benevolent leadership.
And the ability to sometimes throw it all out the window temporarily and go for cocktails - or an unplanned mud fight.
See? You're ready. :)
Bummer about the shock collar-- how about the crate?
Jill, you nailed it in 50 words or less.
The idea that someone will be able to successfully raise children because they can teach their dogs to obey is insulting. Dogs are as stupid and predictable as most grown men, and motivated by the same things: food, sex, and affection. Kids are complex, imaginative, and always aware of more than we give them credit for.
Anyone who knows my kids knows I've done a great job as a father, and this is a complete shock to most of them. I'm selfish, immature (even for a man), moody, and somewhat territorial. But I don't try to be someone I'm not around my kids; they have forced me to be a better person.
My dog, however, has become a neurotic mess. He always wants to go in the car, but when he does he whines the entire time, sometimes throwing up for punctuation. He's too much of a pussy to be the alpha male, even when he's the only one in the room. And he's getting worse. But will I divorce him, or take him for a long walk in the woods from which only one of us returns? Nah. The kids'd kill me in my sleep.