Bob Wire Has a Point (It's Under His Cowboy Hat)
Hey, If You’re Unfulfilled, Don’t Retire
Brett Favre and Jay Leno: Quitters Who Don't Know How To QuitBy Bob Wire, 1-19-10
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| "I finally got so many concussions they said I could host the Tonight Show. Two more and I can run for Congress. Badap-boom!" | |
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Today’s column concerns a couple of big players in the entertainment world: the Tonight Show and the NFL. What do they have in common? Well, besides featuring overpaid millionaires prancing about in front of a fawning audience, they both have a quitter who doesn’t know the proper way to quit.
Of course I’m talking about Brett Favre and Jay Leno, two talented personalities who announced their retirement only to later backpedal furiously and claw their way back in, when they realized they’d be spending so much time at home with their wives.
Brett Favre has been in the NFL so long he makes George Blanda look like a dilettante. He arrived at his first training camp in Green Bay on a stagecoach. His original favorite receiver was Spartacus. He’s won the MVP three times, has a Super Bowl ring, and has taken virtually every NFL record away from Dan Marino. What more is there for him to accomplish? Oh yeah, he hasn’t surpassed Michael Jordan in the legacy-trashing department yet.
You all know the story: after enjoying an endless Farewell Tour and giving his umpteenth tearful final press conference after the 2007 season, Favre aw-shucked his way back into the NFL. The Packers acted like they’d never met, but the Jets were happy to play along. Hell, they were the Jets. They had nothing to lose. Then when the Dolphins stomped the Jets in the 2008 season finale to complete their December collapse, Brett retired again, making his announcement in the huddle late in the 4th quarter.
Later the following spring, when his concussion wore off, he unretired again. But this time around, almost every team said, “We’re sorry, you’re room’s been rented out.” Favre’s departure two seasons ago spurred the Packers to insert Aaron Rogers into their scheme, and he was doing just fine, thank you. This year, the Jets also said “no thanks.” Besides, they were running out of “Good Luck Brett” cakes.
So what does Brett do? He’s not getting much applause back on the farm, so he signs on with the only team that will have him, the Minnesota Vikings. The Packers’ arch-rivals. This is a move akin to Larry Bird demanding to be traded from the Celtics to the Lakers. This is like Nikita Khrushchev taking Jackie O. to the senior prom. This is like Pat Robertson dancing in a Lady Gaga video wearing nothing but a leopard print thong. Backwards.
Surprise, surprise: Favre is having one of the best seasons of his career. Hell, I could stand back there and hand the ball to Adrian Peterson for three hours. The team is so good this year that they might even get to the Super Bowl. The Vikings, however, are the Buffalo Bills of the Super Bowl, having lost all four of their post-merger appearances in the Big Game. Will this be the year for them? I don’t know. And since the Dolphins were mathematically eliminated from the playoffs sometime around Labor Day, I don’t really care. But I will tell you this: it doesn’t matter if the Vikings play both the Colts and the Jets in the same game, with Favre passing for nine TD’s, running for ten TD’s and kicking a 200-yard field goal. He can shove that silver trophy where the sun don’t shine because he has worn out his welcome and destroyed any credibility he’s built over a long and (previously) illustrious career. And he looks like my sister’s ex-husband, who is an asshole.
Athletes who “unretire,” especially elite legends like Favre, Jordan, and others who have spurred a million 8th graders to put their posters on their bedroom walls, are doing their fans and their legacies a disservice. They ask us to honor them, to reflect on their careers, to shed our team-colored tears in a season-long orgy of retrospectives and championship highlights, and assure us it’s the end of an era. We go along with it, accepting the mortality of our heroes. That, in turn, forces us to look at the mortality within ourselves, we mere humans who cheer at the altar of the pro sports gods every weekend. But then ego gets the best of these pampered chosen ones, and they ask us to please forget all those goodbyes and welcome them back with open arms. They are forgotten but not gone.
And now Favre has a counterpart in the TV industry. As anyone who watches late night TV knows, NBC is pulling the rug out from under Conan O’Brien and the Tonight Show, in order to allow Jay Leno to slide back into the comfy 11:30 time slot he enjoyed during his 17-year stint at the venerable program. Leno’s 2009 “retirement” from the Tonight Show was announced clear back in 2005, along with the news that O’Brien would be his eventual successor. Conan finally took over the show seven months ago, and now the network is already dropping the ax. For crying out loud, it seems like we were subjected to more than seven months of promos touting the “new” Tonight Show before O’Brien even taped his first segment.
Apparently Leno wasn’t satisfied to just retreat to his mansion and hang out in his garage—which is built entirely of stacks of hundred dollar bills—and fondle his exotic car collection. He took his shtick to prime time hour, and he bombed. Too many smart people still awake. He’d never been the most cerebral of talk show hosts, but his new show was just silly, indulgent, and directionless. His habit of over-explaining jokes in his monologue is a symptom of his insecurity in his own material. He’s a witty guy, but he has never given his audience much credit.
I remember watching Johnny Carson’s last show in 1992. Johnny was a class act, the best ever to do this gig. I grew up watching this guy, and I was going to miss him. I shed a few tears that night, along with millions of other melancholy TV fans. NBC anointed Leno the new host, spurning Carson’s own choice, the smarter, edgier David Letterman. The network gave Leno plenty of time to find his sea legs, and eventually the Tonight Show found its own level. The humor was broad, the interviews bland, and the comedy bits hit or miss. I was firmly in the Letterman camp. Letterman is like the Johnny Cash of late night—he’s a genre unto himself.
But I was also in the O’Brien camp. I loved the unpredictable and risky nature of Conan’s humor. The writing was more clever and funny, and even his band seemed hipper than the other guys. His installation at the Tonight Show was enough to pull me away from Dave, even though Letterman has maintained a pretty high level of funny at CBS. Also, NBC was smart enough to coax Andy Richter back into the fold, a shrewd move. Richter was always a perfect foil for Conan’s flights of comic fancy. Things were looking pretty solid.
But unlike during the Carson/Leno transition, Conan was hardly given time to untie the ship from the dock, let alone find his sea legs. Leno’s ratings have been dismal, and you can bet he’s been doing some major arm twisting behind the scenes to get his old show back. He’s obviously built up enough show-biz capital to get what he wants, because the network has quickly agreed to relegate Conan to the 12:05 slot, basically a ratings death sentence. Publicly, Leno’s keeping mum. Making it look like NBC’s idea.
Jay, you quit. You left. I don’t give a shit if you want to have your own show where you’re cooking a pot of marinara sauce while hurtling around a race track in a ’68 Shelby Cobra, running down Cirque du So Lame acrobats in your path. It’s a free country. Just keep your meat hooks off the Tonight Show, and give the new kid a chance. You have become the Brett Favre of late night, Leno. No one will watch you now. You’ll tarnish what legacy you had, and quickly fade away. And we’ll be deprived of the unique humor of a sharper mind in Conan O’Brien. Good day, Jay. I said good day!
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Comments
I never watched Leno, Letterman should have had the Tonight Show all along. I'd say I hope Conan jumps to FOX but I really, really, really despise that network.
In light of Farves' waning years, kudos to two time Superbowl champion John Elway.
If these two superstars had any hair on their peaches they would do what all real men do after retirement, stay retired and drink themselves to death. I know I’m looking forward to those leisure years!
Favre had surgery off season and his recovery helped him get back into the game. He is only in his 40's and is on his way to the NFC championship game. Brett Favre is still one of the top QB's in the leaque and if i started a franchise I would pick him over payton manning anyday.
This is unlike Jay and Conan and letterman for that matter, who in all honestly are not even close to what most people want to see in a late night show. We want a Johnny Carson, a Craig Ferguson or even a Jerry Seinfeld, will farrell. Someone fresh and who does not need to rely on writer. Someone with Class and Wit.
Honestly, I liked Conan O. But lost respect for him. What a baby.
Get over Conan, he was lame and he hasn't done unscripted or improv well since whose line was it anyway. And even then...honestly, it wasn't that funny either.
I just had to add my 2 cents to this awful comparison.
If Brett gets blown out then he may be back next year and the year after that. I'd rather see the legend leave like Elway but it's not up to me.
If you made $12 million a year would you feel unfulfilled? Late night tv and football was a bad comparison.
BOB
its all ENTERTAINMENT...
for...SPECTATING
me... ? I say play till yur 80 if ya can Brett
BTW...Leno....not so funny
You write well and often put fourth an intersting twist on life however this article falls short on every front...
Farve is a 40 year old stud of all sports studs and you wont garner any new readers bashing Brett during or after a very superb season any sooner than I could garner readers by saying you should have hung up your guitar years ago and left the stage to your son and his posse...
As far as Leno goes, who cares anyway? It was far more entertaining to read about your family vacations and subtle life gags we can all relate to...
Personally, I get off watching a more mature artist on stage that can still rock as much as I like seeing a grey haired man that can still school a bunch of 20 year olds with a football or spit out a joke with perfect timing...
I suspect you were looking for humor but just wasnt any...
I've never found Jay Leno to be very entertaining, so I have no opinion (or interest) in what he's up to. But I was born and raised a Green Bay packer fan, so I feel qualified to respond to your bait here.
Brett Favre is an original; all those records describe the dimensions in which no one has ever played the game the way he has. He found the will, ability, and enthusiasm for yet another season as a 40-year-old, and he's still got more than enough to be incredibly entertaining.
I didn't much care that he played for an AFL team, but the Vikings? That sucked. It didn't stop me from following Minnesota this year, and now, here in the post-season, he's the one reason I still have to pay attention.
So Letterman has been on late night tv longer than Blanda played football. Is he better in his dotage, that Letterman? He sounds more petty, more base, than funny. Too strident. And with his domestic bliss probably notso...and an obvious devotion and love for his son, that seems to be where time and life have eroded some sharp sides to his persona. In other areas time has eroded those corners to sharp, deadly, and dangerous edges a Japanese tool maker could appreciate. Letterman doesn't look a guy you could trust. Nice to nasty is too easy for him.
These are tough times. Stressful times. There was a domestic beef next door this morning, with cop cars, and cops knocking on my door to ask if I heard it (I had not). Bi-racial couple living on the dole, no car, young baby, church people bringing stuff, and a mother of the woman, and a sister, hovering at times. An old maid real estate peddler in her 70s bought the place out of foreclosure two years ago, and wants the apartment rent check to be good, so she is on a government program with the apartment. She doesn't choose the renters. She mostly dials 911 when she gets scared. She is harvesting what she has planted.
And Leno, O'Brien, Letterman, Kimmel, and all the rest have no idea of how good they have it. Conan is getting $33 million bucks to leave. And $12 million for staff relocation and disruption reparations payments. The non working, institutionally poor, dependent people in the basement next door get bags of day old pastry items and hand-me-down baby stuff. I have no sympathy for the talk show cry babies. All of them. Even the ones working still. My grandkids don't have a father working right now. The hedge fund stock trader lost his job because the investors, who have made money from the fund every quarter for 5 years, had to pull their money because that was all they had left as they had lost their fortunes in other ventures, and the fund owner and manager had to shut it down. The other is a logger who finally ran out of work two weeks ago. Both wives are now the income producers. I don't have much sympathy for talk show hosts who were not bringing in ratings enough to keep their jobs. Failure to do the job has consequences. Welcome to the real world. Favre is getting it done to this point. So is Manning. I have to love it when old guys do good. Unlike the talk show hosts who have yet to acknowledge the failure is theirs.