Bob Wire Has a Point (It's Under His Cowboy Hat)
I’m Not Voting For Michelle Obama
One more reason they should sell liquor on election day.By Bob Wire, 8-28-08
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Like many Americans who’ve had trouble sleeping this week, I’ve been watching some of the Democratic National Convention. I lived in Denver for about a year in the late 80’s, and seeing the panoramic shots of the downtown skyline always brings a small pang of wistfulness. I wonder what all the waitresses I slept with are doing now. Perhaps they’ve joined the throngs of hookers that are surely swarming the Monaco Hotel and the Grand Hyatt like hissing cockroaches on a ham bone.
Most of the earlier convention speakers had the desired effect, boring me to snores with their tired, predictable exhortations to the converted. But my attention was captured Monday night when the correspondents ramped up their excitement for the upcoming address from Obama.
Mrs. Obama, that is.
From all the jabbering commentary and the second-guessing, you’d think that we were about to witness James Carville delivering a bare-ass spanking to President Bush while Karl Rove and Dick Cheney whistle a duet of “I’m Sorry.”
Michelle Obama would have to “prove her patriotism,” they said. It was up to her to convince America that she and her husband were “just plain folks.” Democrats, it seems, have been dry-washing their hands over Michelle’s image, afraid she’d spook middle-American voters with her “elitism” and what’s been repeatedly characterized as her disdain for America.
I’m sorry, did I miss something? Michelle Obama isn’t running for office. Her husband is. The fact that the voting public’s perception of Michelle carries so much importance in Barack’s campaign is a clear symptom of this nation’s misdirected focus when it comes to electing effective leaders.
I am supporting Barack Obama because he displays the qualities that have been sorely lacking in the Oval Office for the last, oh, 45 years. Dignity. Intelligence. Cleverness. Idealism. A sense of depth, of thoughtfulness. I need my President to be smarter than I am. He’s got some good ideas, and I think he means well. I say let’s give him a shot.
I don’t give a rat’s ass who he’s married to, or if he’s even married at all. He can host an annual gay S&M bacchanal on the White House lawn for all I care, as long as he makes sure my Social Security check won’t bounce. He could snort Jerry Garcia’s ashes off Amy Winehouse’s scrawny naked ass all day long if he wanted to, as long as he brought the troops home from Afghanistan and Iraq.
Why should I care if the First Lady is a good consensus-builder, or a sympathetic character? She ain’t running the country. She ain’t running shit. Oh, I know the conventional wisdom is that character is very important to voters, and that includes their families and associates. Barack’s enemies gleefully exploited his relationship with his pastor, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, after some “inflammatory rhetoric” from one of the preacher’s sermons was yanked out of context and splattered all over the media. What’s that, you say? A preacher spouting inflammatory rhetoric?!? Why, the next thing you know, cows will go “moo,” pigs will say “oink,” and Republicans will show a tendency to borrow and spend.
Well, guess what, Rev. Wright is not on the ballot either.
Character? Look, people. Obama is a politician. So we already know he’s a cheat and a liar and a back-stabber. Grow up. We’re not vetting some neighbor who’s going to run the PTA fundraiser. We’re looking for someone who is ready to climb under the hood of our battered national Buick and get his hands greasy. We need someone who can take a punch. We don’t want another jovial, simpleton frat boy being led around by his puny legacy by a bunch of money whores and corporate stooges. We’ve been bent over the gas pump and repeatedly gang-legislated by these political Huns for almost eight years. I probably won’t even be able to walk right until Obama’s second term.
So let the blowback fly. I’ll just put on my goggles while McCain’s hatchet men pillory one poor schmuck after another from Obama’s past. Obama has ties to a college professor who used to be a radical in the 60’s? Who cares? Can he score me some weed? Obama was photographed wearing a turban in Africa? So what? His dashiki had no pockets and he had to carry his wallet somewhere, for crying out loud.
Naturally, Obama’s camp will be forced to do the same, but the Democrats just aren’t as good at it as their Republican counterparts. I just read an explosive report that, during his time as a POW, John McCain occasionally traded information with his captors. The report doesn’t specify which side supplied the info; whether it was the Confederacy or the Union.
Hang on, Barack. It’s gonna get messy up in here.
[Bookmark NewWest.net/BobWire. It’s a good diversion during a particularly lengthy porn download.]
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Comments
How about the politcal influence of Hillary Clinton as First Lady?
I could hammer this all day, but I think there are a great number of people in this country that understand the importance of the Office of the First Lady.
It is important to know about your future First Lady.