MIssoula Notebook
It’s Just Not Working Out
By Sutton Stokes, 6-17-08
 |
|
 | |
| Zuzu really didn't like our 3-day plane trip from Baltimore to Montana. | |
|
Kathryn at the The Dog Blog posted recently about whether being a good pet owner marks one out as good parent material. Apparently Kathryn’s dogs are trained to get out of the way of other people on trails, the sight of which inspired some passing hikers to opine that Kathryn is “so ready to raise children after raising those two angels.”
I agree with Kathryn that this is a stretch, since — as she points out — a dog owner can use certain tools and techniques that the law tends to frown on where children are concerned, such as shock collars, crates, and confinement to the back yard. Still, her piece came along at a moment when I’ve been thinking about the same question, though I come at it from a somewhat different angle.
You see, Amy and I are considering a divorce — from our cat. Zuzu — as in “Zuzu’s petals” from It’s a Wonderful Life — was part of the package when I first met my wife. I had never been much of a fan of cats before meeting Zuzu, but if any cat is going to convert you, it will be this one: she’s friendly, she comes when you call her, and the previous owner had her declawed in front, so there is no risk of cat scratch fever. We all coexisted happily for years, aside from the usual vomiting and occasional confusion of laundry baskets for the litter box.
As time has passed, though, certain negative sides to cat ownership have emerged. For example, Amy was diagnosed a few years back with a strong allergy to cat dander. In and of itself, this wouldn’t be enough of a problem to inspire Amy to consider getting rid of Zuzu, although a cat’s potentially 15-20-year life span seems to me a long time to go without being able to breathe through your nose or sit on the couch for more than 10 minutes without starting to itch. For my part, I dislike that we have to sleep with the bedroom door closed, as an allergen barrier, but, again, this wouldn’t be a big enough deal by itself to spell the end of Zuzu’s tenure in the Stokes household.
But the allergy problem means Zuzu is starting from behind when it comes to some other probably pretty normal issues where a cat is concerned, particularly one who has been moved around a lot lately, particularly one who was used to a much bigger house than our current Westside railroad shack.
For one thing, she is really needy lately, which is more of a problem than you might think when you are a work-from-home writer with enough distractibility problems as it is.
For another thing, there have been some accidents in the last couple of weeks, of a nature that she is now banished to our mud room and will never be allowed into the rest of the house again.
We think these accidents are probably stress related. Zuzu is only 11 years old, so it’s not like she’s lost control of her functions due to age. And the fact that she is discharging from both pipes suggests this is no UTI or bladder issue.
No, she just needs a bigger house and more attention than we can give her. I think she would do well with a senior citizen, or a stay-at-home parent, although I should point out that she’s not that needy, and she did just fine for years with both Amy and me away at work all day. The problem now, I think, mainly has to do with there being no set routine any longer.
So, to get back to Kathryn and the whole pet owner/parent equivalency, does our tentative plan to give Zuzu the boot mean we would make bad parents? What is our level of responsibility to a pet? Aren’t we supposed to love these things unconditionally? Personally, I find myself thinking longingly of the day when the house doesn’t have any restricted zones, and we don’t have to worry about a cat sitter when we go out of town. And it’s weird how personally I take the accidents and/or vomit, as if Zuzu is being malevolent. But I would imagine these same thoughts cross the mind of any parent at some point, as well.
And, finally, would any of these problems be sufficient reason for getting rid of a kid? I mean, if it just isn’t working out. (Kidding!)
Comments would be appreciated.
For more like this, read the rest of the Missoula Notebook.
Like this story? Get more! Sign up for our free newsletters.
Comments
Visit some farms in your area that may want a mouser.
Perhaps your cat could become an MMA star. Mixed mousal arts. Have her work on her kitty-jitsu ground game for the submission holds.
I've talked to some dog "experts" and they've said that it indicates really serious psychological issues that are probably beyond solving. The behavior definitely peaks when I have less time to spend with the dog for a few days, but it also never completely wanes when we're spending hours a day together as part of our normal routine.
And granted...I don't actually mind the constant washing of her bedding. It's the fact that I can have no carpeting, my couches must have enough items stacked upon them that she can't curl herself into a tiny spot, and my upstairs (where she finds her way to my bed and the guest room futon) is barricaded. It's surprising how annoying when you want to lay down on the couch to read or while talking on the phone -- but first need to remove the items you've stacked there.
I don't really have much to share other than to say that I share your pain -- and I occasionally wonder about the very dark things you are considering, including the fact that she is probably not placeable in a home, which means that my options are pretty limited when the time does come to let her go. :(
Sorry I'm not much help. If you lived a little closer, I'd take her for a few days to give you both a break, however... wait, you could just ship her to us ... Well, maybe not...sorry that's all I can come up with.
Not sure what Zuzu eats, but I have found food to be the culprit for people's cat allergies. Cat dander is a waste product, after all, and if she is eating Atta Cat, for example, which is primarily meat by-products (chunks of cow tossed in the "never eat this" bin) and a lot of crappy grains, Amy is most likely allergic to that, not so much the cat. Scott at Go Fetch (yes, they do cats too) is pretty helpful in guiding folks to good food options. It may take a little tweaking, but it is possible to reduce allergies through good food. A little flax or vegetable oil helps as well. People with the worst cat allergies have stayed in my 400 sq ft place without a problem and I have 2 cats.
My cats launched a needy revolt when I moved from 1200 to 400 sq ft. and it was totally maddening until I kicked them outside on leashes attached to a zip line and eventually built an outside cat pen. They were much happier after a few hours spent cruising around a bit, lazing in the grass on a sunny day, staring at birds, practicing their murdering without doing harm or being harmed themselves. I'd be happy to give some pointers on doing this on the cheap or totally free. This would provide Zuzu some stimulus, a bit of freedom, a chance to de-stress and you some peace to write.
Finally, "having accidents" is a notorious indicator that a cat ain't doin' right. It may not have anything to do with her urinary tract. I've seen more than one cat in early stages of renal failure and at least one with a heart problem that flagged the issue by using the entire house as a litterbox.A trip to the vet is in order, even if you do decide to re-home her.
As for your cat issue reflecting on your parenting skills, I'd have to say not so much. Cat psychology is warped and when it gets abnormal, look out.
Coincidentally, we just got back from the vet. An earlier trip had found a possible kidney problem, but tests for this show normal results once again. And yes, she does have a heart murmur, so that could be the problem.
Except... the real problem is that she can have problems, and those problems lead her to ruin stuff we can't easily afford to replace. Even if we fix the current situation, another one could come up, which could lead to the destruction of the next couch, and that possibility feels unacceptable, which I guess answers the question as to whether it's time to give Zuzu the boot.
Interesting thought about food being the source of the allergies, although I'd have to point out that Zuzu is a relatively hypoallergenic cat. We, too, have often hosted the cat-allergic with no ill effects on anyone except, well, the usual ill effect on Amy. Either way, I just don't think I can summon the fortitude to enter into some experimentation period to find the right food, not to mention the matter of affording it once we find it.
We haven't come to a decision yet, but man! the thought of no longer having a pet to worry about is an appealing one... tempered as it is by the thought of the crushing guilt of just casting the pet out...
Maybe I should just get drunk and think about it later. I wonder what the right beer is for avoiding thinking about divorcing your cat?