Ah, the Smell of Eau d'Eucalyptus

Snow and Ice, University Scandals, and I Married a Vicks-en

By Joan Opyr, 11-28-06

The Seattle Seahawks played the Green Bay Packers last night in a blinding snowstorm. So what, you say? The blinding snowstorm was in Seattle. It has been cold, wet and just plain nasty across the Pacific Northwest these past few weeks. Seattle may well beat its rainfall record for November: 15.33 inches. Some commuters last night spent four hours driving half-an-hour routes.

Here in Moscow, the streets are covered with slush, snow, and patches of black ice. This morning, I turned into the McDonald's Drive-Thru and found myself in a 180-degree uncontrolled skid. As I'd been creeping along at five miles per hour, I was surprised to find myself in a full Richard Petty spin. My Ford Freestyle has all wheel drive. It also has ABS. What I guess it wants are those $520 snow tires from Costco that I, as a transplanted Southerner, will never get used to buying. Never. I understand hurricane season because I grew up with it. I will never understand needing two sets of tires for one car. It's alien to me, and speaking of alien, here on the Palouse, we've had to contend with another seasonal hazard: the crud. I've had it; my kids have had it; and now my partner's got it. My doctor says it's just a virus, but I'm not sure. I think it may be the first wave of an alien invasion.

All around town, the short days and dark nights have been morphing into short tempers and dark grudges. Thanksgiving wasn't all turkey and gravy. In fact, it felt more like a scene from The Shining. When the news broke that University Place villain and former University of Idaho Financial Vice President Jerry Wallace had received three years probation for his part in bringing the school to its knees, mashed potatoes turned to ashes in quite a few mouths. The University of Idaho has been hamstrung by the University Place disaster. Wallace was accused of misusing public funds, and he was investigated by state and federal prosecutors. On November 23rd, Wallace entered an "Alford plea" in Latah County's Second District Court, meaning he denied any criminal intent but admitted that he had created a university account and authorized spending from it without securing the necessary approval of the Idaho Board of Education. That unapproved university account, which never had more that $600,000 in it, recorded total expenditures of more than $8 million. The money tossed down a rathole by a couple of rats, and the University of Idaho has been struggling to regain its footing ever since.

What would I like to have seen happen to Mr. Wallace? Something involving tar, feathers, and a nice, slippery rail. But maybe that's the crud talking and not me. It could well be that my brain has been addled by fumes from the only known treatment for the crud, Vicks VapoRub. I'm not using Vicks; I hate the smell of the stuff, but my partner is slathered in it. She believes in the healing power of Vicks with a near-religious zeal. I'm not saying that she's wrong; I just think that she may be using Vick's incorrectly. My theory is that you shouldn't wait until you're sick to put it on. Vicks should be used as a preventative, not a cure. Like garlic, its strength lies as much in its power to repel as in its (theoretically) healing fumes. Rub the stinky stuff on yourself before you get sick, and no one with a germ will dare to come near you. No one will come near you, period.

Perhaps the University of Idaho should have rubbed Vicks on its money. Even if the fumes weren't a sufficient deterrent, the petroleum base might have hindered those sticky Financial Vice President fingers.

CORRECTION: A previous version of this post contained an incorrect name for the project involved in the Wallace case. University Place was the development involved in the case. Our apologies.

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